Music One Liners

Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: What do you get when you throw a banjo and an accordion off the Empire State Building?
A: Who Cares...

Q: What do you call twenty-five banjos up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What do you call one-hundred banjos at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Q: What did the banjo player get on his IQ (or SAT) test?
A: Drool...

Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: That's the banjo player's porsche.

Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?
A: By there names...(used to be Irish fiddle tunes)

Q: What is the difference between a french horn and a lawnmower?
A: You can tune a lawnmower.

Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces.

Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: The grip.

Q: What is the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?
A: You are supposed to take off your shoes before jumping on the trampoline.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians?
A: A drummer.

Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door?
A: The knocking always speeds up.

Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ?
A: They never know when to come in.

Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 50. 1 to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.

Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control?
A: Their personality.

Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones?
A: "I didn't wake up this morning..."

Q: What's the difference between a moose and a blues band?
A: The moose has the horns up front and the asshole behind.

Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Bono holds up the light bulb, and the universe revolves around his ass.

Q: What's the difference between a viola and a violin?
A: A violin burns faster.

Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist?
A: They both fuck up bowings.

Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathisers.

Q: What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker?
A: A dressmaker tucks up frills.

Q: What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.