The First-Time Skydiver's Guarantee
A first-time skydiver was sitting nervously in the back of a jump plane as it climbed to 12,000 feet, strapped tightly to his veteran instructor. Feeling his heart pounding against his ribs, the rookie turned his head and asked the instructor what the survival rate was for tandem jumps at this facility. The instructor adjusted his goggles, checked their altimeter, and shouted over the roar of the wind, "In my fifteen years of doing this, not a single one of my students has ever stayed up here!" The rookie felt a wave of relief for a second before the instructor added, "One way or another, everybody makes it back to the ground."
The Parachute Packing Inspection
A skydiving student was standing on the hangar floor attempting to pack his own parachute for his first solo jump under the watchful eye of his supervisor. The student folded the fabric, packed the lines, and shoved everything into the rig bag in under two minutes flat, looking up with a proud grin. The supervisor walked over, gently kicked the packed bag with his boot, and asked, "Are you 100% sure you packed the main canopy correctly according to the safety diagram?" The student nodded confidently and said, "Absolutely, sir!" The supervisor pointed to a small bundle of nylon lying on the workbench behind him and said, "Then you might want to explain why your reserve chute is still sitting over there getting cold."
The High-Altitude Wind Gust
Two skydiving instructors jumped out of a plane together to practice a mid-air formation maneuver over a wide rural drop zone. As they fell through 8,000 feet, a sudden, powerful crosswind gust blew them several miles off course, pushing them far past the airfield landing zone toward a dense forest. They both deployed their parachutes early and managed to guide their gliders into a small, isolated clearing surrounded by tall pine trees, landing safely on the grass. As they unbuckled their harnesses, a local farmer walked out of the woods holding a rake, looked at the two men dressed in bright jumpsuits, and said, "If you fellas were trying to drop in for dinner, you missed the house by half a mile."