Bin Laden Jokes Collection 1

Pentagon officials now believe they have been unable to locate Osama Bin Laden because he has found a place in which to hide where: 1) it is easy to get in if you have the money; 2) no one will recognize or remember you; 3) no one will realize that you have disappeared; 4) no one keeps any records of your comings and goings; and 5) you have no obligations or responsibilities. The analysts are still puzzled, however, as to how Bin Laden found out about the Texas Air National Guard.

Q: How do you play Taliban bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1... Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble. Q: What is the Taliban's national bird? A: Duck Q: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common? A: Nothing, yet. Q: What does Osama bin laden and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from! Q: Why doesn't the Taliban have drivers ed and sex ed classes on the same day? A: Because the camels can't handle it. Q: What's the five-day forecast for Afghanistan? A: Two days.

21. Sane Oilman Bad 20. I bona leadsman 19. Nasal Nomad Be I 18. Be a Slain Nomad 17. A bend lama son 16. Albania's Demon 15. A lesbian nomad 14. Alias "Boned Man" 13. So I anal bad men 12. And I blame a son 11. No Asian bedlam 10. I.D.: Mean Anal S.O.B. 9. I, a sad nobleman 8. A slain abdomen 7. I'm so banal, Edna 6. I model bananas 5. A mob, insane lad 4. Is a lone, bad man 3. Do a samba, Lenin 2. I'm Dole bananas 1. Abandon E-mails

As for what to do with Osama bin Laden: Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither. Let the Special Forces, Seals or whatever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return her to Afghanistan to live as a woman under the Taliban.

Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada." With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews or Americans can come into our precious state." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Afghanistan. "Uncle Sam" (a former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out -- virtually impenetrable." Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water."

After getting nailed by a Daisy Cutter, Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. "How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: "You wanted to end the Americans' liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, "This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!" He drops a large weight on Osama's knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, "This is not what I was promised!" An angel replies: "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

Osama bin Laden found a bottle on the beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?" "Infidel, don't you know who I am? I need nothing from a lowly woman," barked bin Laden. The genie pleaded, "But master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to this bottle forever." Osama thought a moment. Then, grumbling about the inconvenience of it all, he relented. "OK, OK, I want wake up with three white, American women in my bed in the morning. I have plans for them." Giving the genie a cold glare, he growled, "Now, be gone!" The genie, annoyed, said "So be it!" and disappeared back into the bottle. The next morning, Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his leg was broken and he had no health insurance.