Blind People Collection 1

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. he returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey, I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks, "What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just looking around."

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the hell out of my best milk cow!"

Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color? A1: Corduroy. A2: Velcro. Q. Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt? A. She was bobbing for french fries. Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? A: She answer the iron. Q: How did she burn the other side of her face? A: They called back. Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg wet? A: Her dog was blind too. Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? A. she needs the other to moan with. Q. How did she burn her fingers? A. Reading the waffle iron Q. What did she do when she fell down the well? A. She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue. Q. How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff? A. She was wearing mittens Q. Why does she wear skin tight pants? A. So you can read her lips Q. Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide? A. You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'. Q. Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll? A. Wind it up and it walks into walls. Q. What's this (slowly waving fingers)? A. Helen Keller moaning Q: Who is the cruelest man in the world? A: The guy who raped Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't scream for help. Q: How come Helen Keller can't have kids?? A: Because she's DEAD! Q. How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy? A. Trying to read a stucco wall. Q: What did HK's parent's do to punish her? A1: Rearranged the furniture A2: Left the plunger in the toilet bowl A3: Put Saran Wrap on the toilet. A4: Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner A5: Washed her hands out with soap A6: Gave her bird-seed to read. A7: Glued doorknobs to the walls Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? A1: She's a woman. A2: She's dead. Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm in the car? A: Trying to read stop signs. Q: How did HK get poke marks on her face? A: Learning to eat with a fork. Q: What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book? A: "Around the block in 80 Days" Q: Define true love. A: Hellen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis. Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? A: Neither did she. Q: How did Helen Keller drive her car? A: One hand on the wheel; The other on the road. Q: How did Helen Keller meet her husband? A: On a blind date! Q: How did Helen Keller pierce her ear? A: Answering the stapler. Q: How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class? A: They made her wear mittens. Q: Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper? A: So she could always find him. Q: Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers? A: from whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear Q: How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out? A: She shouted histerically.