Blind People Jokes Part 5

A blind man decided he wanted a pet for companionship in his apartment. Since he couldn't keep a large dog due to building rules, he decided to visit a local exotic pet store to buy a talking parrot. The store owner showed him to a cage containing a colorful African Grey parrot named Charlie. The owner explained, 'Charlie is an incredibly smart bird! If you pull the red string tied to his left leg, he sings classic jazz tunes. If you pull the green string tied to his right leg, he recites famous Shakespearean speeches!' The blind man was deeply impressed by the bird's intelligence and training. The blind man thought for a moment, stroked his chin, and asked, 'What happens if I pull both strings at the exact same time?' Before the store owner could answer, Charlie the parrot leaned down off his wooden perch, looked at the blind man, and squawked loudly, 'I fall right off my perch, you idiot!'

A blind man adopted an elderly ginger cat from a rescue shelter to keep him company. The cat was calm, quiet, and spent most of its afternoon sleeping in sunbeams on the living room rug. However, the cat developed a strange habit whenever the blind man walked through the hallway with his white cane. Every time the man swept his white cane back and forth across the floor tapping the baseboards, the cat would leap out from behind the sofa, pounce on the rubber tip of the cane, and ride it across the room like a surfboard. The blind man felt the sudden extra weight on his cane and stopped in his tracks, thoroughly confused. He reached down, felt the fluffy cat clinging onto the end of his cane, and picked up the animal. Holding the cat at eye level, he said, 'You know, I asked the agency for a seeing-eye dog, but I think I ended up with a sweeping-floor cat!'

A blind veteran was paired with a massive, highly protective German Shepherd guide dog named Max. Max was fiercely loyal and took his job of protecting his owner very seriously. Wherever the veteran went, Max was right by his side, keeping a watchful eye on everything and everyone around them. One afternoon, the veteran went to his local barber for a routine shave and trim. The barber, who was a chatty and animated man, laid the veteran back in the chair, lathered his face with warm shaving cream, and pulled out a traditional straight-edge razor. He strode over to the chair and raised the razor to begin shaving. Max immediately stood up, let out a deep low growl, placed his front paws on the armrests of the chair, and stared directly into the barber's eyes. The barber froze, blade in hand, trembling with fear. The blind veteran felt the tension in the room, smiled calmly, and said, 'Don't worry, barber! Max won't bite... unless you nick my skin!'

A guide dog association held an annual picnic in a large fenced park where working guide dogs could be taken off their harnesses for a day of relaxation, running, and playing with other assistance animals. Dozens of blind owners sat at picnic tables chatting while their dogs ran around happily on the grass. A blind owner named Mark sat down with a cold drink, enjoying the warm weather and listening to the sound of dogs barking in the distance. After an hour, he decided it was time to head home, so he whistled for his golden retriever, Barnaby. A dog bounded over, licked Mark's hand, and stood patiently by his side. Mark put the harness back on the dog, walked out of the park, and navigated six blocks back to his apartment building. When he walked into his apartment, his wife looked at the dog and gasped, 'Mark! Who on earth is that?' Mark replied, 'It's Barnaby, of course.' His wife shook her head and said, 'Mark, you went to the park with a Golden Retriever and brought home a Standard Poodle!' Mark paused, patted the poodle, and said, 'Well, he guided me home perfectly, so don't tell him!'