Bush Jokes Collection 5

During a propaganda tour, President Bush visits a school to explain his politics to kids. He invites the kids to ask him questions. Bobby stands up and tells him "Mr. President, I got 3 questions": 1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election? 2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason? 3. Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times? Before the president can answer, the recess bell rings, and the kids leave the room. After they came back, Bush invited them again to ask questions. Joey stands up and tells him "Mr. President, I got 5 questions": 1. How come, that although the count of votes was not in your favor, you still won the election? 2. Why do you want to attack Iraq without an imminent reason? 3. Don't you also consider the bombing of Hiroshima the biggest terrorist attack of all times? 4. Why did the recess bell ring 20 minutes early? 5. Where's Bobby?

NEW YORK (AP) - The Federal Communications Commission today fined all affiliates of the CBS network for their role in the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" episode at this year's Super Bowl. The FCC stated that "the affiliates have a responsibility as guardians of the public's airwaves to assure viewers that this type of indecent programming does not occur." A spokesperson for KPIX in San Francisco replied that perhaps their station may not carry the next speech by President Bush in retaliation, stating "we already got in trouble once for showing a big boob on our station. Why do it again?" A spokesperson for KTTR in Portland agreed, saying that keeping the president off the air would be a case of "tit-for-tat."

Dan Rather, CBS News Anchor: 1. Given documents he thought were true (the facts were, the documents were not); 2. Failed to thoroughly investigate the facts; 3. Reported documents to the American people as true to make his case; 4. When confronted with the facts, apologized and launched an investigation; 5. Number of Americans dead: 0; 6. Should be fired as CBS News Anchor. George W. Bush, President of the United States: 1. Given documents he thought were true; 2. Failed to thoroughly investigate the facts; 3. Reported documents to the American people as true to make his case; 4. When confronted with the facts, continued to report untruth and stonewalled an investigation; 5. Number of Americans dead: 1,100 (and climbing); 6. Should be given four more years as President of the United States.

Little David was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, policeman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, etc. David was being uncharacteristically quiet and so he teacher asked him about his father. "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and took little David aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," said David, "He works for the Bush administration, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

"Bush is my shepherd, I shall be in want. He leadeth me beside the still factories, He maketh me to lie down on park benches, He restoreth my doubts about the Republican party, He guideth me onto the paths of unemployment for the party's sake. I do fear the evildoers, for thou talkst about them constantly. Thy tax cuts for the rich and thy deficit spending They do discomfort me. Thou anointeth me with never-ending debt, And my savings and assets shall soon be gone. Surely poverty and hard living shall follow me, And my jobless children shall dwell in my basement forever."

A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, D.C., came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual." He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?" The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war in Iraq, or the connection between Saddam and al-Qaeda, or that his tax cuts will help anyone except his wealthy friends; the press called him on the lie about Iraq trying to buy uranium from Niger, and now Campbell Brown is threatening to sue him for a sexual innuendo he made at a recent press conference. So we're taking up a collection for him." The lobbyist asks, "How much have you got so far?" The officer replies, "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England." One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."