Bush Jokes Collection 9

Dick Cheney, President Bush and his father are flying on Air Force One. Dick looks at Dubya, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $100.00 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy." Dubya shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $10.00 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy." George Bush Senior says, "Of course then, I could throw one-hundred $1.00 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy." The pilot rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."

My fellow Armenians, As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach. I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it Americans have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes. Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their family on the table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets in Laredo". (Music break) A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is as broad as we are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind. (Zantac commercial) I say there's a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work to those they love, and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and Dad. (Applause; tears) We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: "I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives." (Exxon commercial). The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I was one myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts to our preservative minds. I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom. Thank you, and God help America.

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal! That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!" Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal. That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."

George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland." George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One." The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's." George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!" The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!" George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are injured." The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"