Dirty Jokes Collection 20

One day, during English class, Miss Figpot asked her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?" The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Johnny puts up his hand. The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual innuendo, looks for another student to ask. Finally, when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Johnny?" "Miss Figpot, it's means lovely." Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Johnny, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?" "Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mommy say, 'That's lovely'. Then Daddy said, 'Yep, it's in different.'"

"Happy 6th Birthday, Johnny!" a banner said that was hanging in Johnny's living room. "Yay me!" he thought. Then he went to his mom, who was about to get in the shower. "Mommy, can I take a shower with you? It is my birthday." "Well, ok. But don't look up or down." she replied. In the shower, Johnny looked down. "Mommy, what's that?" "That's...um...my bush." Then he looked up. "Mommy, what are those?" "Those are...um...my flashlights." "ok." Then later on, his dad was about to get in the shower. "Daddy, can I shower with you? It is my birthday." "I guess so but only today. And don't look down." he answered. In the shower, Johnny looked down. "Daddy, what's that?" "That is my...um...snake." "Oh, I have one too!" "Yeah, that's right." his dad answered. That night, Johnny asked his parents: "Can I sleep with you tonight? It is my birthday and there's a monster under my bed." "Well...only tonight because it's your birthday." his dad answered. "And don't look under the covers, ok Johnny?" "Ok." So they got into bed, and Johnny looked under the covers. Suddenly, he yelled "Mommy! Quick, turn on your flashlights! Daddy's snake is going through your bushes!"

Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you? Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you? Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Woman: Hell No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, just spread my old legs "Take me, young man, take me!" Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!

Humor in the Restroom - The Wisdom you can find on the Walls 1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. from n a Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE. 2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" in a -from a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember 3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. in from a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina 4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! From a a -Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana 5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. from a -Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas 6. No wonder you always go home alone. From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA 7. Beauty is only a light switch away in a restroom in the -Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina. 8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. from the -The Irish Times, Washington, DC 9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona. 10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. From Revolution Books, New York, New York 11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. from a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL 12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor 13. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. in a -Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY

An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this one ugly frog. As she walked by the barrel he was in, he looked up and winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you won't be sorry." The old Lady figured, what the heck, as she hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog and went to her car. Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me, you won't be sorry." So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed the frog. Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, handsome, young prince. Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old lady turned into? The first motel she could find. (She's old, not dead!)