Dirty Jokes Collection 40

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex? A: Because they are plugged into a genius. Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay? A: They don't have time. Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg? A: They won't stop for directions. Q: Why did God put men on earth? A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. Q: Why don't women have men's brains? A: Because they don't have penises to put them in. Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them. Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs? A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock. Q: Why do men masturbate? A: It's sex with someone they love. Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs? A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. Q: Why did God make men before women? A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy. Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he is coming or going. Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet. Q: What is the thinnest book in the world? A: What men know about women. Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything. Q: How does a man take a bubble bath? A: He eats beans for dinner. Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay? A: A half hour of begging. Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused? A: He's breathing Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds? A: Government bonds mature. Q: How do you save a man from drowning? A: Take your foot off of his head. Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common? A: They are both empty from the head up. Q: How can you tell if a man is happy? A: Who cares? Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A: We don't know. It's never happened. Q: How are men and parking spots alike? A: The good ones are always taken and the only ones left are handicapped. Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework? A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he is being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range. "Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!" Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away. "Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?" Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request. The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peels off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do....he's in too far!"

Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern. At the table next to them sat a young girl. The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB." The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH." The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM." The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB." At this, the young lady could stand it no longer. She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look, you hayseeds, it's WOMB. That's it, that's all there is to it." Then she left. Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well, I don't know. A slip of a girl like that, I don't see how she could know. I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"