Dirty Jokes Collection 6

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, she got fired too."

The Top 14 Signs You're Not Watching the Real "Phantom Menace" 14. As if the girl-girl porno action weren't tacky enough, you can actually see the strings holding up the planets. 13. Somehow, R2-D2 manages to give Darth Maul the finger. 12. Right when Obi-Wan is about to whip out his "lightsaber," the screen goes blank and you have to put in another 50 cents. 11. Queen Amidala looks suspiciously like one of the Olsen twins. 10. As Leia Orgasma takes off her clothes, you realize you've stumbled into "The Phantom Moan-fest." 9. The "lightsaber duel" consists of nothing but two guys with Nerf baseball bats making lightsaber noises with their mouths. 8. None of the previews mentioned the evil Darth Diggler or queen Ches-Ti Ho. 7. The scene of the young Anakin Skywalker straddling his Pod Racer -- arms outstretched -- shouting, "I'm Lord of the Universe!" is just a tad derivative. 6. "Help me, Monica... You're my only hope!" 5. Leslie Neilsen as "Dark Mall"?! I don't friggin' think so! 4. Yoda looks awfully pale, and he keeps saying "Taco Bell, yo quiero." 3. "Starring Jerry Mathers as The Menace," just doesn't sound right. 2. Anakin Skywalker is played by a small black child whose only line is "Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" 1. You're having trouble reading the subtitled translations for Obi "Juan" Kenobi.

A guy goes to see the doctor, because he's a little too well-endowed. In fact, it's 25 inches long and he can't get any women to have sex with him. Anyway, the doctor says there's nothing he can do medically, but recommends a witch doctor that he thinks might be able to help. The witch doctor takes a look at the problem and tells him to go to a particular pond, deep in the forest, and talk to a frog that lives there. "Ask the frog to marry you and each time the frog says no, you'll be 5 inches shorter." Worth a try, he thinks, and off he dashes into the forest. He finds the pond and sees the frog on the other side, sitting on a log. "Frog, will you marry me?" The frog looks at him, disinterested at best, and calls back, "No." The guy looks down and sure enough, he's 5 inches shorter. Hey, this is great he thinks -- let's try that again. "Will you marry me?" The frog rolls his eyes, and shouts back again, "No!" Zappo! -- the guy's down to 15 inches. Well, that's still a bit excessive, he thinks. Down another 5 would be perfect. So he calls across again, "Frog, will you marry me?" The irritated frog yells back, "Look..how many times do I have to tell you? No, No, NO!"

Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree. The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim. That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today. "Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest dick." "What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother. "Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?" The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

There were two lovers, who were really into spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the one remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly 30 days after their death. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck. True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later. At the seance, she called out, "John, John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her, "Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you." Martha tearfully asked, "Oh John, what is it like where you are?" "It's great. There are azure skies, a soft breeze, sunshine most of the time, the grass is so green and the cows have such beautiful eyes." "What do you do all day?" asked Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch, we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m." Martha was somewhat taken aback. "Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven, Martha." "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a bull in Montana."