Female Bashing Collection 4

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few. "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

You're sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress is on the cover of Playboy, and your wife is on the back of the milk carton.

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups. 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash. 11. Rinse conditioner off hair. 12. Shave armpits and legs. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 16. Hang floor towel on side of tub. 17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs. 18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face. 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 14. Pee. 15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?) 16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 17. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on. 19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 20. Throw wet towel on bed.

Theres a blind man right, hes feelin his way down the street with his stick right, he stops in front of a fish, he stops he takes a deep breathe he says, "Whoooo good moring ladies."

Three blondes are stranded on an island. They find a lamp and rub it and out pops a genie. "I will grant each of you one wish" the genie said. The first blonde said that she wished to be smarter than the other two, and she turned into a brunette and swam off the island. The second blonde said that she wished to be smarter than the other two, and she turned into a red-head and built a raft and rowed off the island. The third blonde wished to be smarter than the other two, and she turned into a man and walked across the bridge.

A husband and wife were laying in bed one night. The wife got up to go to the bathroom and look in the mirrior. She complains to her husband, "My boobs are to small!!" The husband looks at her and says,Just take toilet paper and rub them every day. As the months went by she went back to the mirror again. And said the same as before. The husband says laughing, "It worked for your butt."

A woman pregnant with her first child paid a visit to her obstetrician's office. After the exam, she shyly said, "My husband wants me to ask you...," to which the doctor replies, "I know, I know," placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it," the woman confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

A preacher was telling his congregation that anything they could think of, old or new, was discussed somewhere in the Bible and that the entirety of the human experience could be found there. After the service, he was approached by a woman who said, "Preacher, I don't believe the Bible mentions PMS." The preacher replied that he was sure it must be there somewhere and that he would look for it. The following week after the service, the preacher called the woman aside and showed her a passage which read,... "...And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem."