Fishing Collection 1

Two avid fishermen go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish. The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying." So, the boy spit into his hand and said, "You have to keep the worms warm!"

A couple of young boys were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the Game Warden jumped out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell. The Game Warden was hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath, so the Game Warden finally caught up to him. "Let's see yer fishin' license, Boy!" the Warden gasped. With that, the boy pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden. "You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replied the young guy. "But my friend back there, well, he don't have one."

When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good. If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad. Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither and don't want to know how many other fish you caught. In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving you lie about the one you caught. You can catch and release a fish, you don't have to lie and promise to still be friends after you let it go. You don't have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish. You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler. If you want to catch a woman you're talking dinner and a movie minimum. Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing. He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior. "I know it's none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren't having sex with your new wife." "Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea." "Well, what about anal sex?" "Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea." "There is always oral sex." "Nope, she has pyorrhea." "Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?" "That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools! What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh. Why did the fisherman get a new job? His salary was net pay. How do fish get around? On a sea-sickle. What type of music should you listen to while fishing? Something catchy. Why don't fish play basketball? They're terrified of the net. What do you call a literate fish? Well-red. Why was the fish bad at basketball? He kept taking cod shots. What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam! Why are fishermen great singers? Because they know how to scale a song. What does a fish use to clean its house? A sea-broom. Where do fish keep their money? In a riverbank. Why did the fish cross the road? To get to the other tide. What do you call a fish that acts in movies? A starfish. Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze. What is a fish’s favorite game? Name That Tuna. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line. Why is fishing such a lazy sport? Because it’s all about reelaxation. What did the fish say to the bait? "I’m totally hooked on you!" What do you call a cold fish? A brrr-acuda. Why wouldn’t the fisherman share his gear? He was a little shellfish. How do fish sign their contracts? With a sea-pen. What is a fisherman’s favorite day of the week? Fry-day. Why did the fish get kicked out of school? For trouting off. What kind of fish goes well with peanut butter? A jellyfish. How many fishermen does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he'll tell you the bulb was this big. What do you get when you cross a fishing rod with an alarm clock? An early morning wake-up call you can't escape. Why did the fisherman bring a ladder? He wanted to catch high-tide fish. What did the line say to the hook? "You’ve got a point!" What do fish use for money? Sand dollars. Why are fish so bad at computer work? They keep getting caught in the web. What kind of fish works at a hospital? A sturgeon. Why was the fisherman so bad at poker? He always held onto the wrong bait. What did the ocean say to the fisherman? Nothing, it just waved. What do you call a fish that practices medicine? A doc-tor fish. Why did the angler bring a pencil to the lake? To take notes on the catch of the day. How do fish keep up with current events? They read the daily net-work news. What do you call a fish that won’t shut up? A big-mouth bass. Why do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales. What’s a fish’s favorite show? Whale of Fortune. Why don't fish like online shopping? They prefer local tackle shops. What do you call a fish with a tie? So-fish-ticated. What is a shark’s favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish. Why did the fisherman sit on his rod? He wanted to hatch a plan. What did the salmon say when it got caught? "I'm in a real pickle now!" Why are goldfish orange? Because they don't like silver. What do you call a fish that can play the guitar? A bass player. Why did the fish go to court? He wanted to file for a de-trout. What's the best way to catch a fish? Have someone throw it to you. Why is a fish's job so easy? Because they just float along.