Gays Collection 1

A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquired. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob," the man answered. "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

Pat& Mick are fishing 5 mile offshore in a 10ft Tinny when along comes a wave & capsizes them. As they start to swim to shore a shark attacks Paddy & bites off both his legs. Pat assures Paddy they'll be alright so they start swimming to shore. You would not believe it the shark comes back & bites off both of paddy's arms. Pat says to Paddy I'll put you on my back & I'll piggyback you to shore.When Pat crawls up onto the beach with Paddy on his back he turns & says to Paddy, I'm completly stuffed mate, Paddy says to Pat I'm so sorry mate, but it was the only way I could hold on.

A woman goes into a restaurant in a small town out in the South. She orders the chicken and starts to eat. Eating too fast she starts to choke on a chicken bone. Buford Buck's 2 country boys in the next booth notice she is choking. So they get up and go over to help her. Buford drops his coveralls and bends over and then Buck starts licking his butt. The choking woman watches these two go at it and is so grossed out she starts spewing up all over the place, dislodging the chicken bone from her throat. Buford pulls his overalls back up and says to Buck "You're right, that hind-lick manoeuvre works like a charm."

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Carl was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake." The third man said, "My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up rugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles and told them the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" the judge said to the second boy. "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar approach. I also used two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, 'This is your asshole before prison...' "

I once was on a plane where I was served by an obviously homosexual male flight attendant. At one point, he bounced over to where I was sitting and announced "The Captain has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so if you could just put up your trays, that would be great." I did as he had instructed but the woman sitting next to me did not. A few moments later, our flight attendant came back and said to her: "Ma'am, perhaps you couldn't hear me over the big scary engine, but I asked you to please put up your tray so that the captain can land the plane." She still wouldn't comply. Now he was getting angry and asked her again to put up the tray. She then calmly turned to him and said: "In my country, I am called a princess. I take orders from no one." Our flight attendant replied: "Oh yeah? Well in MY country, I'm called a queen and I outrank you, bitch, so put the tray up!"