Golf Jokes Vol 9

A businessman had just paid a massive initiation fee to join an exclusive, private country club. On his very first morning as a member, he was assigned to play a round with three long-time veteran members of the board of directors. On the first tee, the new member wanted to make a great impression. He stepped up, took a beautiful, controlled swing, and hit a solid 250-yard drive right down the middle of the fairway. He smiled broadly, turned to the three board members, and expected applause. Instead, all three men stared at him with cold, stern expressions of deep disapproval. Confused, the new member walked down the fairway alongside one of the veterans and quietly asked, 'Did I do something wrong? Is there a specific etiquette rule I violated on the tee?' The veteran sighed, shook his head, and whispered, 'Son, at this club, we don't like show-offs. The last guy who hit a drive that straight was asked to resign his membership.'

Two nuns were granted permission by their Mother Superior to play a rare afternoon round of golf at a local municipal course. Sister Mary, who had played golf in her youth before entering the convent, was hitting the ball with extraordinary precision. On the 7th hole, a 150-yard par three over water, Sister Mary hit a pristine seven-iron shot that landed two feet from the hole and spun gently back into the cup for a hole-in-one! Her companion, Sister Catherine, clapped her hands together in delight and shouted, 'Glory be to God! That was a true divine miracle, Sister Mary!' Sister Mary looked back at the tee box, wiped her brow with a handkerchief, and smiled quietly. 'Thank you, Sister. But between you and me, I put a little bit of extra backspin on it just in case the Lord was looking the other way.'

A husband woke up at 6:00 AM on a torrential rainy morning. Thunder was shaking the windows, lightning lit up the sky, and standing water was filling the driveway. Despite the terrible weather, he put on his full waterproof rain gear, grabbed his golf bag, and drove to the course. When he arrived at the pro shop, he found the head pro sitting alone behind the counter, drinking coffee in the dim light. 'You're not actually planning on playing today, are you?' the pro asked in disbelief. 'The course is completely flooded, the greens are under two inches of water, and lightning strikes are occurring every two minutes!' The golfer slapped his credit card on the counter and said stubbornly, 'I've been working eighty hours a week for three months straight, my boss is a tyrant, my kids are yelling, and this is the only four-hour window of free time I have all month. Rain or shine, I am playing eighteen holes!' The pro took the payment, shook his head, and handed him the cart key. 'Alright, it's your funeral. Good luck out there.' Four hours later, the golfer walked back into the pro shop, completely soaked to the bone, mud splattered across his face, but wearing a giant, triumphant smile. 'How was it out there?' the pro asked sarcastically. 'It was the greatest round of my life!' the golfer beamed. 'I didn't lose a single ball!' 'How is that possible in this storm?' asked the pro. The golfer leaned in and whispered, 'Every time I hit a shot into the woods, the floating debris brought it right back to the fairway!'

An amateur golfer was browsing the pro shop after another dismal round where he had four-putted four separate greens. He saw a sleek, oddly shaped putter displayed in a velvet box with a gold sign that read: 'THE NEVER-MISS PUTTER — 100% ACCURACY GUARANTEED.' Desperate to fix his putting, he paid the exorbitant eight-hundred-dollar price tag without hesitation. The next morning, he took the new putter out to the practice green. He set up a ten-foot putt, lined up the face, and stroked the ball. The ball rolled smoothly across the green, hit the back of the cup, and dropped in. He tried a twenty-foot putt with a double break. Again, the ball tracked perfectly and sank into the hole. Overjoyed, he entered the Saturday morning club tournament. On the 18th green, he was left with a fifteen-foot downhill putt to win the entire championship. He stepped up with his new putter, took a stroke, and watched as the ball sank right into the center of the cup. His playing partners surrounded him, shouting, 'That putter is incredible! Where did you buy it?' The golfer grinned, held the putter up in the air, and said, 'It's a miracle club! The only downside is that every time I sink a putt, it sends a text message to my wife showing how much I spent on it!'