Legal Ethics And Judicial Jokes

A trial judge was growing increasingly frustrated with a verbose lawyer who had been delivering an endless, rambling closing argument for nearly four hours without presenting a single coherent legal point. Finally, the judge slammed his gavel down sharply. "Counselor! I have listened to you for four hours, and I am bound to tell you that I am none the wiser!" The lawyer paused, bowed politely to the bench, and replied, "That may well be true, Your Honor, but surely you are much better informed!" The judge glared over his glasses and said, "Informed, perhaps, but informed of what?" "Informed of the exact cost of ignoring the rules of evidence, Your Honor!" replied the lawyer smoothly, before returning right back to his argument.

During a heated cross-examination, an hot-headed trial attorney lost his temper and shouted insultingly at the presiding judge. The courtroom went dead silent as the judge glared down from the bench with stern authority. "Counselor," said the judge coldly, "I am fining you five hundred dollars for contempt of court. You will pay the clerk immediately." The lawyer reached into his pocket, pulled out a thick wad of bills, counted out one thousand dollars, and handed it directly to the court clerk. The judge looked surprised. "Counselor, I only fined you five hundred dollars. Why did you hand over a thousand?" The lawyer sat down, adjusted his lapels, and declared, "Because, Your Honor, I'm not finished telling you what I really think of this court!"

A young associate lawyer was preparing for his first major trial under the supervision of the firm's founding partner. Nervous about the upcoming proceedings, the associate asked the senior partner for guidance on legal ethics. "Sir," asked the associate, "what should I do if I am presenting our case and I suddenly realize that the truth is completely against our client?" The senior partner put a comforting hand on the associate's shoulder and smiled wisely. "Don't panic, my boy," replied the partner. "If the law is on your side, pound on the law. If the facts are on your side, pound on the facts. And if neither the law nor the facts are on your side... pound on the table and bill the client by the minute!"

A renowned ethics professor was lecturing a room full of graduating law students on the absolute importance of professional integrity and client trust. "To illustrate legal ethics," the professor announced, "let me give you a practical scenario. A client comes into your office and pays you a cash retainer of one thousand dollars for a consultation. As he leaves your office, you notice that he accidentally handed you TWO crisp one-thousand-dollar bills stuck together instead of one." The professor paused and scanned the room. "Now, my students, here is the ethical dilemma: Do you tell your law partner about the extra thousand dollars, or do you keep it all for yourself?"