Personal Injury And Tort Law Jokes

A man walked into a grocery store, slipped on a tiny drop of spilled olive oil in aisle three, and tumbled to the floor. Before he even hit the ground, a personal injury lawyer who happened to be shopping in the next aisle sprinted over, dropped to his knees, and slipped his business card into the man's hand. "Are you in pain?" asked the lawyer eagerly. "We can sue the grocery chain, the bottle manufacturer, the floor wax distributor, and the olive farm for millions in emotional distress!" The man groaned, rubbed his hip, and said, "Actually, I'm not hurt at all. I just lost my balance for a second." The personal injury attorney looked crestfallen, took back his card, and sighed deeply. "What a tragic waste of a perfectly good puddle!"

A personal injury lawyer represented a client who claimed to have suffered severe, debilitating whiplash following a minor rear-end collision at a red light. The defense insurance company suspected fraud and hired a private investigator to trail the plaintiff. During the trial, the insurance lawyer presented shocking video footage recorded by the investigator showing the plaintiff lifting heavy bags of concrete and playing competitive basketball just days after the accident. The defense lawyer turned to the plaintiff's attorney with a smug grin. "How can your client claim he is permanently disabled when we have video of him jumping three feet in the air to slam dunk a basketball?" The plaintiff's attorney stood up, wiped a tear from his eye, and addressed the court with deep emotion. "Your Honor and members of the jury," cried the attorney. "What you have just witnessed on that tape is nothing short of a divine medical miracle! The sheer healing power of filing a lawsuit has restored my client's spine!"

A pedestrian was walking down a quiet residential street when a neighbor's dog ran out of the yard and bit him lightly on the ankle. Furious, the pedestrian marched straight to a personal injury attorney's office to file a lawsuit. The attorney looked at the tiny red mark on the ankle, did some rapid calculations on his notepad, and frowned. "I'm afraid this case isn't worth much," said the attorney. "The bite barely broke the skin, there's no permanent scarring, and medical expenses are under fifty dollars." The pedestrian looked disappointed. "Is there any way we can make this a multi-million-dollar case?" The attorney smiled, leaned in, and whispered, "Well... if you let the dog bite me right now in front of three witnesses, we can sue the city for failing to control aggressive animals and split the settlement!"

A driver received an automated traffic citation in the mail containing a photograph of his car running a red light, along with a demand for a two-hundred-dollar fine. Feeling clever, the driver took a photograph of two hundred-dollar bills, put it in an envelope, and mailed it back to the police department. A week later, the driver received a reply from the traffic court legal office. Inside the envelope was a photograph of a pair of handcuffs. The driver immediately called a defense lawyer in a panic. "Can they really send me a picture of handcuffs?" The lawyer laughed and said, "Technically, no. But if you don't send real cash within twenty-four hours, the picture of those handcuffs is going to turn into a very real three-dimensional experience!"