Pharmacy Prescription Jokes

A man walked into a neighborhood pharmacy holding a piece of paper handed to him by his doctor earlier that morning. He stepped up to the prescription counter and handed the slip of paper to the chief pharmacist. The pharmacist held the paper up to the light, turned it sideways, squinted, and examined the messy scrawl. The handwriting was a chaotic series of squiggles and loops that resembled abstract art far more than actual English words. After studying it for five minutes, the pharmacist walked into the back room to consult a reference manual, came back out, adjusted his glasses, and handed the prescription back to the customer. "I am so sorry, sir," the pharmacist said politely. "I have been a licensed pharmacist for over thirty years, but I simply cannot decipher a single word written on this paper. You will have to take it back to your physician so he can rewrite it clearly." The customer took the paper back, looked at it, and burst out laughing. "Oh! I am so foolish! This isn't my prescription script... this is the paper my doctor used to test if his ballpoint pen still had ink!"

A man walked into a late-night drugstore coughing loudly and clutching his chest. He staggered up to the pharmacy counter where an experienced pharmacist was stocking shelves. "Please, help me!" the man choked out between coughing fits. "I have had this horrible, hacking cough for three straight days! Nothing seems to work. Do you have any powerful over-the-counter medicine that will stop this immediately?" The pharmacist looked at the man sympathetically, reached under the counter, and handed him a small bottle of heavy-duty laxative liquid along with a measuring cup. "Here," the pharmacist said calmly. "Take four tablespoons of this right now before you leave the store." The desperate customer quickly poured the dose and swallowed it down without reading the bottle label. He stood there for a moment, blinked, and slowly walked over to stand against the wall near the front entrance. Fifteen minutes later, the pharmacist walked over to check on him. "Well, sir," the pharmacist asked with a sly smile, "are you still coughing?" The customer held tightly onto the wall, took a slow breath, and whispered nervously, "No way, doc! I'm way too terrified to cough now!"

An elderly woman went to her local community pharmacy to pick up her monthly medication refills. She placed a large, compartmentalized plastic pill organizer on the counter in front of the young pharmacy technician. "Young man," the woman said warmly, "I need you to help me organize my morning doses. I have my blood pressure pill, my cholesterol tablet, my joint supplement, my vitamin D capsule, and my daily heart aspirin." The technician nodded happily and began sorting the colorful tablets into the Monday through Sunday slots. As he worked, he noticed that one specific compartment had a small piece of chocolate candy placed inside alongside the medications. Curious, the technician looked up and asked, "Ma'am, I have to ask... why do you put a piece of chocolate in the Wednesday evening box?" The woman smiled broadly and explained, "Well, dear! That's my special reward pill! If I take all my other medicine correctly by Wednesday afternoon, I get to eat the treat to reward myself for remembering!"

A customer stood at the pharmacy checkout counter, staring in utter disbelief at the register total for his newly filled monthly prescription. The clerk politely requested one hundred and eighty-five dollars for a small bottle containing just thirty tiny pills. "One hundred and eighty-five dollars?!" the customer gasped. "That is over six dollars per pill! Why on earth is this specific medication so astronomically expensive?" The pharmacist stepped over to explain the situation. "Well, sir, you have to understand that developing a brand-new pharmaceutical drug requires over ten years of intensive laboratory research, millions of dollars in clinical trials, and rigorous regulatory safety testing." The customer nodded slowly, took out his credit card, paid the fee, and picked up the small paper bag. As he turned to leave, he paused and looked back at the pharmacist. "I understand the research costs, Doctor," the man said. "But next time, could you ask them to spend a little less money on the fancy plastic bottle so I can afford my groceries?"