Military Jokes Drill Sergeant Training

During basic combat training, a notoriously fierce drill sergeant was conducting a surprise midnight barracks inspection. Pacing down the row of footlockers, he spotted a young recruit standing at rigid attention with a faint, nervous grin on his face. The sergeant stepped inches from the recruit's nose and roared, 'Private, why on earth are you smiling at three o'clock in the morning during a tactical drill inspection?' The private swallowed hard and stammered, 'Drill Sergeant! I was just thinking about how fortunate I am to be trained by the finest soldier in the entire armed forces, Drill Sergeant!' The sergeant narrowed his eyes, stepped back, and shouted, 'Nice try, Private! But flattery won't save you from fifty push-ups! And furthermore, your bed corner is three millimeters off square! Start pushing!'

A squad of nervous airborne recruits was sitting in the cargo bay of a C-130 transport aircraft, listening to their jumpmaster give final instructions. 'Listen up!' the sergeant barked over the roaring engines. 'When you hit the green light, jump out, count to three, and pull your main ripcord. If the main chute fails to deploy, pull your emergency reserve ripcord immediately. Once you land safely on the ground, a green army truck will be waiting at the drop zone to transport you back to barracks. Any questions?' One recruit raised his hand and asked, 'Sergeant, what happens if the reserve parachute doesn't open either?' The jumpmaster leaned in and yelled, 'Then you'd better hope that green truck gets there fast, because you're going to be down there before it is!'

A young land-navigation instructor took a group of recruits deep into the dense woods for an orientation exercise. He handed out topographic maps and magnetic compasses, instructing each soldier to plot a precise bearing back to the base camp. After two hours, all the recruits returned except for one private who was notorious for lacking a sense of direction. Search parties were dispatched, and they finally found the private three miles off course, sitting comfortably on a rock eating a ration bar. 'Private!' the instructor yelled, 'Did you even look at your compass?' The private looked up innocently and replied, 'I certainly did, Sergeant! The needle pointed North the whole time, but I was trying to head South, so I just ignored it and kept walking!'

Late one evening during field training, a tired recruit gathered the courage to ask his drill sergeant for the current time so he could calculate his remaining guard shift. The drill sergeant glared at him, pulled out a heavy gold pocket watch, held it up to the recruit's eye, and snapped, 'Do you see this watch, Private? This watch was awarded to me for flawless time management during tactical operations!' The private nodded nervously and asked, 'So what time is it, Drill Sergeant?' The sergeant stuffed the watch back into his pocket and shouted, 'It is time for you to finish your patrol and stop worrying about my schedule! Now get back to your post!'