Polish Collection 1

A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the longest average penis and Polish men have the biggest average diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?" He coolly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet You."

How Long Is The Pole? An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick. He's standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick. Seeing the Polak's ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, "There! 10 feet long." The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, "You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing in a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other asks, "But how will we remember where this spot is?" The first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat, and says, "We'll just look for this X tomorrow." The other guy says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat?"

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something." If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? Would ya?" The clerk says, "Well, no." With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well,all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?" The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."

An Irishman, and Englishman, and a Polishman were in a bar in New York. They all were talking and commented on how they liked the bar. Then the Englishman said, "Back in England their is a bar where for every drink you buy the owner of the bar will give you a free drink." They all said that it sounded great. The Irishman then said, " That's nothing, back in Ireland there's a bar where for every drink you buy the owner will give you two drinks." The other two were very impressed. Then the Polishman said, "That does sound good but there is a better bar back in Poland. There, if you buy three drinks they will take you in back give you three more drinks and you'll get laid." The others were all impressed and said, "This happened to you?" The Polish man responded, "No, they did it to my sister."

There's a polak trying to row a boat in a corn field. All of a sudden, a guy who prides himself on being a "smart" polak sees him as he is driving along in his car. He then jumps out of his car and says these words: "You dumb polack! You make the entire country look retarded. Look at you just wasting your time. I swear if I knew how to swim I'd kick your ass!"

A family of four Polish people and a few of their Polish friends decided to move to America. They settled into a middle class neighborhood in the heart of the country. Every night since they moved in,the neighbors of the Polish havent gotten any sleep. They would be banging,tearing, cutting, and welding. Eventually the neighbors got pissed off and went over to see what they were doing. The educated Pollock spoke up "We are going to be the first humans to go to the sun." The american replied "You idiot you can't go to the sun, you will burn up." The Pollock thought hard about that statement and replied "We already have that mastered, we are going to go at night."