Clinical Psychology Therapy Jokes

A clinical therapist had been seeing a patient who complained endlessly about how lazy, messy, and irresponsible his roommate was. Every week for six months, the patient listed dozens of minor household grievances. During one afternoon session, as the patient was describing how his roommate left unwashed dishes in the sink for three days straight, the therapist suddenly slammed her clipboard onto the coffee table. 'That is the final straw!' the therapist shouted. 'Tell Steve that if he doesn't clean his dirty coffee mugs by tomorrow morning, I'm throwing them out myself!' She stopped, took a deep breath, and cleared her throat. 'My apologies... let us return to your feelings.'

How many psychologists does it take to change a burnt-out lightbulb in a room? Only one, of course. However, the lightbulb must truly, deeply want to change on its own terms, be fully willing to embrace its internal darkness, and be ready to accept its own personal illumination without relying on external switches.

A patient was sitting in a psychiatrist's office taking a standard Rorschach inkblot test. The psychiatrist held up the very first card, which showed a symmetrical black ink smudge. 'What does this image make you think of?' asked the psychiatrist. 'A passionate romantic encounter in a dimly lit room,' replied the patient without missing a beat. The psychiatrist flipped to the second card, showing two red and black spots. 'And this one?' 'Two people holding hands under a moonlight sky,' said the patient. The psychiatrist flipped through ten cards, and to every single card, the patient gave an intensely romantic response. Finally, the psychiatrist put down the deck, looked over his glasses, and said, 'You seem to have an obsession with romance.' The patient gasped in disbelief: 'Me? You're the one showing me all the dirty pictures!'

A man walked into his cognitive behavioral therapist's office weeping hysterically. 'Doctor, my life is a complete disaster! I got flat tire on the highway, lost my house keys, and then it started pouring rain!' The therapist smiled warmly, motioned for the man to sit down, and grabbed a whiteboard marker. 'Let's reframe these automatic negative thoughts,' the therapist said gently. 'You didn't have a disaster. You received an unexpected opportunity to practice tire changing, a test of your spatial problem-solving skills without keys, and a free outdoor hydrotherapy session!'