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Redneck Jokes Volume 9

The Coleman Lantern Garage Heater

During freezing January nights spent working on truck restorations, Jim needed an inexpensive way to heat his drafty detached garage. He positioned two classic dual-mantle liquid fuel lanterns inside an inverted galvanized metal tub elevated slightly off the concrete floor on clay bricks. The lanterns generated an incredible amount of radiant heat, which was absorbed and slowly radiated outward by the heavy zinc-coated steel tub, warming the entire two-car workshop to a comfortable temperature without consuming excessive fuel or electricity.

The Pallet Wood Chicken Coop Mansion

When his wife asked for a modest housing shelter for her six new laying hens, Luke decided to build the ultimate avian palace using free shipping pallets collected from local businesses. He carefully dismantled sixty pallets, sanding down the oak and pine boards to construct a two-story coop complete with nesting boxes, a ramp, a tin roof, and framed windows with chicken-wire screens. The handcrafted coop looked like a high-end mountain cabin, providing full protection from foxes and raccoons while adding immense charm to their backyard homestead.

The Lawn Chair Floating Raft

Determined to spend hot summer afternoons floating down the river without buying flimsy inflatable tubes, Bubba built a heavy-duty raft using four large plastic beverage drums tied to a frame of treated lumber. He bolted four folding aluminum lawn chairs directly to the wooden deck and added built-in umbrella holders and a large central ice chest compartment. The sturdy floating lounge carried four adults comfortably through river rapids and calm waters alike, complete with cupholders and sunshades for all-day comfort on the water.

The Steel Drum Charcoal Kiln

Looking for a way to make his own high-quality lump charcoal for summer cookouts, Daryl converted two overlapping fifty-five gallon steel oil drums into a closed-retort charcoal kiln. He packed the inner drum tightly with seasoned hardwood scraps from his woodworking shop and built a small fire in the outer chamber to drive off moisture and impurities. Within eight hours, the process produced forty pounds of premium, clean-burning hardwood lump charcoal that burned hotter and longer than any commercial briquettes available at the store.