Sci Fi & Geek Collection 3

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down. The pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts. I find your lack of pants disturbing. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time! General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home. TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants? Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants. You are unwise to lower your pants. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board. You look strong enough to pull the pants of a Gundark. Luke... Help me remove these pants. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants. That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational! A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this. Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness. Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... Your sister! Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser. Short pants is better than no pants at all.

Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks finds a light saber and accidently activates the weapon whilst he holds it pointed at himself. Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is tortured and killed by the new empire for apparently no reason. Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is eaten by Jabba the Hutt. Near the beginning of the movie, an asteroid destroys the home planet of Jar Jar Binks, destroying him and the Naboo. Luckily, Padme survives. Jar Jar Binks has become a slave on tattoine. He decides to escape, but forgets that he has an anti-escape device implaneted in his body. His owner sets it off, and he explodes, near the beginning of the movie. Jar Jar Binks becomes a jedi but joins the dark side of the force. Yoda dispatches him quickly at the beginning of the movie. Jar Jar Binks eats what he thinks is a yummy tasty fruit, but what is really a reactive core from a blaster. His death is slow and painful. Jar Jar Binks is eaten by a tribe of Ewoks near the beginning of the movie. Episode II makes no reference at all to Jar Jar Binks or any of his species. Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks irritates Anakin so much, Anakin destroys him and vows to destroy his entire species. this causes Anakin to slip further into the dark side. Jar Jar Binks enters an airlock--without putting a spacesuit on first. (near the beginning of the movie) Jar Jar Binks is killed by Boba Fett, who then collects the 2,000,000,000 credits from Padme Naberrie. While visiting Couruscant, Jar Jar Binks is "accidentally" pushed down a 900-foot airshaft by Chancellor Palpatine. Jar Jar Binks is captured by a clone of Darth Maul and suffers great tortures at the hand of Darth Sidious. (a.k.a-Palpatine) Jar Jar Binks is sucked into a black hole while trying to pilot through the Kessel Run.

10. When arguing Star Wars against Star Trek, you use the words 'Star Trek Sissy Boys' at least 15 times. 9. You believe President Clinton should increase its budget. (I'm sorry, wrong Star Wars!) 8. At a Star Wars collectibles convention, you purchase Gammorean Guard saliva. 7. You waste your time writing Star Wars Top Ten lists. (no comment) 6. You foolishly believe that Lucas will ACTUALLY make more Star Wars movies, when you know he's just saying that so people will buy the new Star Wars merchandise and books, then in a year he'll give his famous 'I don't feel like it' speech. 5. You would feed yourself to the rancor if it meant finding out the name of Anakin's wife. 4. You'd actually want a copy of that lousy Star Wars holiday special. 3. You stick up for Mark Hamill even when you know he's a bad actor. 2. You shell out 10 bucks for a magazine that describes the planet Tatooine. 1. You have recurring nightmares about Episodes 1-3 being about a dysfunctional family of Ewoks.

10. Playing high-stakes dodgeball with asteroids. 9. Seeing how bad things smell on the INSIDE. 8. Snowball fights. 7. Salvaging wreckage. 6. Watching your pee freeze before it hits the ground. 5. Pitching rocks into Space Slug's cave; running away when he comes out. 4. Hunting Wampas with a bowcaster. 3. Tauntaun tipping. 2. Leaving. 1. Reminding yourself, "At least this is better than Dagobah."

Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe 1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable 2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for 'Captain EO' 3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean's son 4. Could really walk on moons 5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith 6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of 'Beat It' 7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had 8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic 9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet 10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly