Sci Fi Geek Jokes Part 10

A brilliant geneticist conducts an experiment on his pet Golden Retriever, successfully boosting the dog's cognitive intelligence quotient to over three hundred points using an experimental neural serum. Excited to finally hold an intellectual conversation with man's best friend, the scientist sets up a microphone, sits across from the dog, and asks, 'Now that you possess super-human intelligence and understand the deep fundamental mysteries of the universe, what is the most important message you wish to share with humanity?' The dog looks deeply into the scientist's eyes, taps his paw twice on the table to activate the vocal translator, and says, 'The squirrel in the front yard is a spy working for the postal service, and you need to throw the ball right now.'

A homeowner returns home late at night from a long business trip and attempts to unlock his front door using his new high-tech facial recognition smart lock. The digital camera panel lights up, scans his face, and emits a harsh rejection chime. The synthetic voice from the lock speaker announces, 'Access denied: Facial features do not match registered owner profile.' The tired homeowner takes off his glasses, fixes his messy hair, and tries scanning his face again. The lock chimes again and says, 'Access denied: You look significantly more exhausted than the high-resolution photo on file. Please go get eight hours of restful sleep and try unlocking the front door again in the morning.'

A tech company invents a revolutionary swarm of microscopic microscopic nanobots designed to consume dirt, dust, and microscopic debris inside residential living spaces. A customer purchases a box of the nanobots, releases them in his cluttered living room, and goes out for lunch while the machines clean his apartment. When he returns two hours later, he opens the front door to find his entire apartment completely empty down to the concrete floorboards. Resting in the center of the room is a single small glowing digital screen left behind by the nanobots that reads: 'We determined that all of your furniture, clothes, and electronic devices were ultimately composed of atomic matter, so we recycled them to optimize total room space efficiency.'

A outer-space mechanic working at a remote asteroid repair station receives a broken starship towed in with a completely fried faster-than-light warp drive core. He pops open the engine bay hatch, shines his flashlight into the complex array of glowing plasma conduits, and taps the main core valve with a heavy steel wrench. Instantly, the warp drive roars back to life, humming with smooth stability. The mechanic turns to the starship owner and says, 'That will be ten thousand intergalactic credits.' The shocked owner exclaims, 'Ten thousand credits? All you did was hit the core valve with a wrench!' The mechanic takes out his digital notepad, adjusts the invoice, and hands it back: 'Tapping valve with wrench: 1 credit. Knowing exactly where to tap: 9,999 credits.'