Airport And Security Humor

A traveler going through airport security was pulled aside after the X-ray machine flagged his backpack for containing a liquid container over three ounces. The TSA officer pulled out an ordinary, half-filled plastic water bottle and told the traveler he could either step out of line to drink it, throw it in the hazardous waste bin, or go back to the check-in desk. The traveler looked at the four-hundred-person line behind him, looked at the half-inch of water left in the bottle, and asked if he could just gulp it down right there. The officer nodded, so the traveler unscrewed the cap, chugged the water in one second, handed the empty plastic bottle back to the officer, and asked, "Has the nation been saved from my hydration yet?"

An elderly man walking through the security scanner set off the alarm three times in a row, forcing the officer to use the hand wand to locate the source of the metal. Every time the wand passed over his waistline, it beeped loudly, but the man insisted he had removed his watch, keys, coins, and belt buckle. Finally, the officer asked him to step aside for a closer inspection, at which point the man reached into his waistband and pulled out a heavy metal tape measure. The officer blinked and asked why he was carrying a tape measure through security, to which the man replied, "Every time I fly, your seats get two inches smaller, and today I came prepared to prove it."

A family waiting at Gate B4 for a delayed flight listened carefully as the loudspeaker crackled to life, announcing that their flight had been moved to Gate B22 at the complete opposite end of the terminal. The family hoisted their carry-ons, dragged their wheeled suitcases, and sprinted through the crowded concourse, arriving out of breath at Gate B22 ten minutes later. Just as they sat down on the waiting area chairs, the loudspeaker crackled again to announce that the flight had been moved back to Gate B4 due to an operational mix-up. The father slumped in his chair, looked at his exhausted kids, and said, "We don't even need the airplane anymore—we've already walked halfway to Florida."