Chuck Norris Collection 2

The Devil went down to Georgia not because he was looking for a soul to steal.. Chuck Norris took over hell for two weeks and told the Devil to get the fuck out. Chuck Norris is the reason that God rested on the seventh day. Three simple rules of survival: 1. Dont take the name of Chuck in vain 2. When in the presence of Chuck, avert your eyes, lest you recieve a roundhouse kick to the face 3. When camping, bring toilet paper

There Is No Such Thing As A Lesbian, There Are Just Girls Who Havent Met Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesnt eat nails for breakfast, he eats rail road spikes. This just in: Alexandria the prophet was currently found in Japan, where she apparantly landed after a good round house kick to the face by godI mean Chuck Norris.

Someone once asked Chuck Norris How much wood, could a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood? uppon completing of the sentance Chuck Norris just smiled. Two seconds later Chuck resorected Bruce Lee and he proceeded to roud house kick the person to death for taking the name of Chuck in vein.

chuck norris enventd a time machine and went back to just before j.f.k. was shot, he jumped in front of the bullets and shattered them all with his beard. j.f.k. died out of pure amazement.

Superman only has two weeknesses. Kryptonite and a round house kick from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once commented, There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none. Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid. Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norriss nutsack. When observing a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Chuck Norris actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face. Chuck Norris put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Chuck dined on scrambled eggs with all the kings horses and all the kings men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

Chuck Norris isnt lactose intolerant. He just doesnt put up with lactoses shit. Chuck Norris doesnt eat. Rather he kicks ass until hes full. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what his way detailed, he replied: with barbed wire and nails, of course. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking. Chuck Norris never gets laid, rather: laid gets Chuck. Chuck Norris only masterbates to pictures of Chuck Norris Playgirl magazine once asked Chuck Norris to appear naked in an issue, Chuck laughed at the opporunity saying there isnt enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants. Helen Kellers favorite color is Chuck Norris Mr. T wanted a shorter name. But it was taken.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he once impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the Himalaya mountains. 9 months later, the nuns all gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in NFL history. When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris plays baseball he hits a homerun every time by roundhouse kicking the baseball. He then procedes to fuck all the girls in the stadium with his beard. Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low. Ice isnt cold water, its water that is scared still by Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norriss wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, Dont worry about it honey, and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, Never question Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom. If you look at Chuck Norris while he is smiling, your entire family will get AIDS. Chuck Norris has an ongoing feud with the Keebler elves. It started when they stole his idea for putting a kitchen in a tree. While the elves now make subpar cookies in the tree, Chucks tree contains a fully functioning crystal meth lab. Chuck Norris can actually breath fire. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norriss records. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.