Chuck Norris Collection 3

Chuck Norris wrote every single edition of the Choose Your Own Adventure books. He wrote them all under pennames to hide the fact that they are autobiographical. Chuck Norris prefers Mr. Pibb to Dr. Pepper. When asked why, he responded, I dont trust doctors. He proceeded to shot laser beams out of his eyes and ate the hearts of everyone in the room. Chuck Norris is actually Jeeves from AskJeeves.com Chuck Norris has every single copy of National Geographic in his basement. He also has the ability to lift every single one of them at once. Chuck Norris lives by one rule: No Asian Chicks. The role of Alf, from the hit 80s TV show of the same name was actually played by Chuck Norris penis. Chuck Norris eats pieces of metal for breafast and shits out a tool shed at lunch. In 1945, Adolf Hitler was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris. Mr. Clean is really Chuck Norris with a shaved head and an ear-ring. Chuck Norris also played the Black guy in Walker Texas Ranger. Chuck Norris found a portal to Hell where he repeatedly gave the Devil a round house kick to the face. Chuck Norris invented american flag pants. Chuck Norris has slept with a woman from every country except China and Japan. No Asian chicks. Chuck Norris invented the beard. In the 80s it was discovered that President Reagan had an inoperable growth on his brain. Rather than letting him die, they shrunk Chuck Norris and injected him into President Reagan. There, he fought the tumor and defeated it with a round house kick to the face. The tumor died and Chuck Norris safely exited Ronald Regans body. Chuck Norris then had Reagans tumor mounted on his wall next to the elephant that he killed with his bare hands and the dinosaur he shot on his hunting expedition to the Jurassic Period. Chuck Norris has no use for books since he has a little computer that just downloads information into his brain. He likes to think Charles Dickens stories while he works out. During the 1970s he taught The Price is Right host Bob Barker karate.(True) Every night at 8:00, a truck pulls up to Chuck Norris house. In the truck are a bunch of orphans. For the next half-hour, Chuck Norris practices roundhouse kicks on the orphans while Its a Hard Knock Life plays in the background. At the end of the session, the orphans say Thank you, Mr. Norris. in perfect unison, then march into the truck in silence. Chuck Norris penis is so large, that he in fact has to tie it around his left leg so that it doesnt get in the way of his round-house kick. Chuck Norris killed the Pope with a roundhouse kick to the chest after an argument over who had a better beard, Jesus or Norris. Chuck Norris told Kid Rock that God doesnt know why, but Chuck Norris does. Chuck Norris saw evil, spoke evil, and heard evil. Then he gave evil a sharp roundhouse kick to the head. Chuck Norris diabolically invented Vin Diesel in an effort to help win WWII. Chuck Norris came up with the idea for the Total Gym after trying to bench press his own penis. He found that he needed to start with a lighter weight and work his way up. Chuck Norris commands all five lions of Voltron simultaneously. After reading the Letters to the Editor in his local newspaper, Chuck Norris became enraged at the fact that Richard Dean Anderson was considered sexier by women in the coveted 65+ demographic. To increase his sex appeal to older women, Chuck Norris tried to build a Missle Defense System out of a tube of chapstick, six rubber bands, a spork from KFC and a copy of Sports by Huey Lewis and the News. This soon became the prototype for the Total Body Gym Workout Machine. Chuck Norris is actually just Bob Saget in his invincible mech suit. Chuck Norris has covered his entire house in tinfoil to prevent Steven Seagal and Vin Diesel from collectively applying the force-choke to him. When applying the tinfoil, he inadvertantly applied it shiny-side down, thus effectively drawing heat from teh sun into his house. The resulting oven-like enclosure actually damaged his skin and deadened his nerve-endings, giving him his freakish ability to withstand pain. Chuck Norris is a mammal. Chuck Norris fights ALL the time. The purpose of Chuck Norris is to flip out and roundhouse kick people.

God has nothing to do with the creation of the heavens and the earth, it was Chuck Norriss roundhouse kick to the face of God that allowed him to create the heavens and the earth. Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids. Adam and Eve never existed. What really happened, was that Chuck Norris sneezed and a human fetus emerged from his nose, this was the beginning of man. Chuck Norris was not alowed to be a part of UFC,NFL,PGA,NBA,NHL or any Olympic event for fear that too many deaths would occure. Chuck Norris masterbates with a sledgehammer. Sonic booms are really Chuck Norriss orgasms.

Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when hes sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse. Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds Chuck Norris sperm is so energetic that when he busts Well, Ill leave the rest up to your imagination. When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with Dont you mean what kind of vehicle drives me? Chuck Norris evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richards curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk. Chuck Norris doesnt worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.