Dirty Jokes Collection 10

Two new young interns are hired in the White House. They are walking down the hall when President Clinton sees them. The President walks up and says, "Gee, I've never come across your faces before."

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu the waitress comes over and asks Clinton, "Are you ready to order?" Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie." "A quickie?!?" the waitress replies. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don't think that is a good idea. I'll come back when you are ready to order from the menu." She walks away. Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Bill, it's pronounced 'Quiche.'"

Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you to clean." Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, "Come again?" "No," says Monica. "Mustard."

Monica went up to the pharmacist and stated, "I need to buy condoms." The pharmacist looked up and asked, "Shall I put it on your bill?" "No, thanks," Monica responded. "I prefer to put them on him myself."

Bill Clinton steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees "The President Must Go" written in urine across the snow. Well, old Bill is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff`s HQ, and yells "Somebody wrote a threat in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it in urine! Son-of-a-bitch had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!" The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor. Bill hollers "Well dammit, don`t just sit there! Get out and FIND OUT WHO DID IT! I want an answer, and I want it TONIGHT!" The entire staff immediately jumps up and races for the exits. Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says "Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?" Clinton says "Oh hell, give me the bad news first." The officer says "Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Al Gore`s urine." Clinton says "Oh my god, I feel so... so... betrayed! My own Vice President! Damn....Well, what`s the really bad news?" The officer replies "Well sir, it`s Hillary`s handwriting."

Q. What is the generic name for Viagra? A. Mycoxafillin.... Q. How can you tell if a man hasn't been taking his Viagra? A. It's not hard. Q. Did you hear that they put Viagra in a candy bar? A. It's called "Oh, Henry!" Q. What do you get when you mix Viagra and Rogain? A. Don King Q. What happens when you give Viagra to a lawyer? A. They get taller Q. How do you get Viagra from the internet? A. All you need is a 3.5" floppy!

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences. 1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling. 3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis. 6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf. Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller the balls are.

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away." Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..." Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay." Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know." She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...." Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day... Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay. My tire was thumping.... I thought it was flat.... when I looked at the tire.... I noticed your cat... Sorry You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends.... here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. Heard your wife left you... How upset you must be... But don't fret about it .... She moved in with me Your computer is dead... it was once so alive.... Do you regret installing Win 95? You totaled your car... and can't remember why... could it have been... that case of Bud Dry?

15. 180 degrees shy of heaven 14. Performing with Flaccido Domingo 13. A few parts shy of an erector set 12. Sch-wing and a miss 11. Not rising to the level of impeachable offense 10. The Null Monty 9. Disappointing Miss Daisy 8. Taking the gold at the Lake Flaccid Olympics 7. Ascension Deficit Disorder 6. Bouncing the Check of Love 5. Less-than-Magic Johnson 4. All Doled up with nowhere to go 3. Welcome to Flaccid City. Population: You 2. Serving boneless pork 1. Unleavened Man-Bread