Dirty Jokes Collection 11

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!" "If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!" "Are you ready for seconds yet?" "Are you going to come again next time?" "It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?" "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!" "Don't play with your meat." "Just spread the legs open & stuff it in." "Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?" "I didn't expect everyone to come at once!" "You still have a little bit on your chin." "Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it." "How long will it take after you stick it in?" "You'll know it's ready when it pops up." "Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!" "How many are coming?" "That's the biggest one I've ever seen!" "Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest." "How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

Down in the valley where the green grass grows There lives a girl who wears no clothes Then came Tarzan clipatty-clop His cock was always on the hop He gave here a Shilling but she was not willing He gave her Pound she laid on the ground He gave her a smack she opened her crack And in went the union's jack 3 months later all was well 6 months later there was a swell 9 months later there was a pop And out came a basturd sucking his cock That is not all! Ladies & gents thats not all The basturd had only one ball.

There was ounce this man who used to go this bar at the end of the street everynight. One day this guy went he saw this enourmus man with all these musceles but with this puny head. After stairing at the guy for over 5 hours he decided to go ask how this happened. He went over and began to ask. Hi man I don't mean any harm but how did you get all those musceles but that small head.The man began his confession.Ounce long ago I was in the marines on this top secret mission but the submarine had gotten sunk. Luckily I washed up on this beach. As I was walking along the beach I saw a mermaid. I spoke to her and she said Oh my! Somone has finally found me I will grant you 3 wishes. First the man said I want to be super strong and have all sorts of musceles POOF! Wow that was cool Second I want to be the smartest man in the world POOF WOW! I know everything. Third he was like well man I have'nt had sex in years I want you to have hot naked sex with me. The mermaid replied! I cant do that. So he said "HOW ABOUT A LITTLE HEAD" POOF

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his Mom, "of course not." Little Johnny then ran back outside and his Mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there." A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty pile and picks up a greasy fork. he returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork." The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli." Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you." The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey, I didn't know that Mary worked here?"

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal- Mart "associate" standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me sir...can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am I'm blind but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes." She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line...It's a good all around rod and reel and it's $20.00". She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it." He walks behind the counter to the register, and in the meantime the woman breaks wind big-time. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her...being blind he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50." She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?" He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50."