Dirty Jokes Collection 27

As the door is opened, the travelling salesmans shocked to see a little lad, stood in a silk dressing gown, cigar in one hand, glass of whiskey in the other! Looking further into the house, a prostitute is laying spent across the couch! "Er, hello young man" he manages to stammer, "Is your mommy or daddy home?" Little Johnny looks at him increduously, "Does it fucking look like it?"

One day, two teenage boys, around 13 years old, walk into a gym. One of the boys go towards a pull up bar. The boy is short and can't reach the bar. So, he jumps up and grabs it and starts to do pull ups As the boy was doing pull ups, the other boy comes up to him and says "Be careful! If you don't have a good grip, you could fall and hurt yourself." The boy who is doing pull ups turns to the other boy, grins and says "Don't worry! I have a good grip; I'm well hung."

A mans walking along the beach and he sees a woman with no arms and legs lying in the sand crying.He asks her whats wrong and she says shes upset because shes never been kissed before.so he kisses her and carries on walking.About an hour later he walks past her again and shes crying,he says whats wrong this time and she replies that shes upset because no ones ever given her oral sex before.Feeling sorry for her he gives her oral sex and goes on his way.He walks past her an hour later and shs crying again so he turns to her and asks her whats wrong, and she says that she upset because shes never been fucked before to which the man replies "Well you are now because the tides coming in".

One night a guy runs into a bar feeling as though he is going to explode. He runs up to the bartender and askes where the bathroom is. He says upstairs, first door on your right. So the man runs up the stairs and can't remember what the bartender said. He thinks if he goes to ask again he might not make it. So he looks around and sees a hole in the ceiling. Feeling daring, he pulls down his trousers and releases his bowls. When he returns, everybody ecept the bartender is gone. He askes where everyone went. The bartender replies, "where were you when the shit hit the fan?"

It was almost time for the bell to ring. Johnny's teacher had asked him to stay after class because she was going to have a conference with his parents about his sexual behavior in class. She had promised him that she would give him whatever he wanted. Once the bell had ranged and both Johnny and his teacher were alone he said "Take off your clothes." Reluctantly his teacher replied " No." " But you said you'd give me whatever I wanted." " Alright then.", so Johnny's teacher shed her clothes. " Get on the desk", replied Johnny " No, now that's enought Johnny!" " But...but you said you would give me whatever I wanted." " Fine, just this one last time okay?" " Okay." So Johnny got on top of his teacher and got busy. Just then his parents walked in. Both his parents exclaimed at the same time " JOHNNY HARDER!" So he went harder. Then his little sister walked in and yelled "JOHNNY HARDER!" So again he went harder. Last but not least his grandfather walked in and screamed " JOHNNY HARDER!" Tired Johnny yelled back at his family, " I"M GOING AS HARD AS I CAN!!!"

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by an out-of breath little Johnny who shouts out, "Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is fucking the cow!" Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains that a certain decorum is required. "You should have said, 'The bull is surprising the cow'- not some filth you picked up in the City," he says. A few days later, little Johnny comes again as his uncle and aunt are entertaining. "Uncle John! The bull is surprising the cows!" The adults share a knowing grin. Uncle John says, "Thank you little Johnny, but surely you meant to say the cow, not COWS. A bull cannot 'surprise' more than one cow at a time you know." "Yes he can!" replies his obstinate nephew, "He's fucking the horse!"

One day a priest was in the confessional and he had to go to the bathroom. Not number 1 but number 2. So he opens the door to the confessional and sees Bobby the janitor. HE called him over and said, "Bobby I have to go to the bathroom not number 1 but number 2. Can you do the confessions for me?" Bobby replied, "OK father but I dont really know what to do." The priest replies, "It's easy. You look at the list to see what they confessed and match it to the penance that the sin deserves." He agreed and father left. So the first person came in and said "father I lied." Bobby matched it up and gave 2 our father's. The next person confessed that he cheated on his wife so bobby looked on the list and gave 4 hail mary's. The next person that came in said "Father i did something terrible!" Bobby responded "What did you do?" He said "I had anal sex with a little boy!" Bobby looked at the list and he could not find ANAL SEX on the list!! So he opened the door and saw little tommy the altar server. He asked him "tommy what does father give for anal sex??" Tommy then responded "Two kit kats and a herseys!!!"

One day Johnny is in class, and his teacher asignes him to make up a sentence and a word for the letter F. So the next day when the teacher asked him to read out his sentence and word he chose he replies with, the word I chose was FASENATE. And the teacher very amazed by his big word gave him a round of aplause and then she asked what the sentence was and he replied by sayin, "My sister has a red sweater whit nine buttons but her tits are so big she can only FASTENATE".