Dirty Jokes Collection 29

Little Johnny was in his nursery class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up- fireman, policeman,salesman... etc... Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. "My fathers an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes ,if the offer is really good, he'll go out to the alley with some screamin fag and take it up the ass." The teacher ,obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little Johnny aside to ask him,"Is that really true about your father?" "No," said Johnny, "he plays for the Boston Red Sox, but I was too embarassed to say".

Q: What is worse than a cardboard box? A: Paper tits! Q: What's the difference between a prostitute and a trapese artist? A: One's got a cunning stunt...the other has a stunning cunt. Q: What is the name of Moby Dicks father? A: Poppa Boner Q: What's the difference between a tire and 365 condoms? A: One's a Goodyear and the other is a fucking goodyear Q: Why did the snowman smile? A: Because the snowblower is coming. Q: How did the hilbilly find his daughter in the woods? A: Pretty Good! Q: What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave A: A microwave doesn't brown your meat Q: What do lesbians call viagra? A: Batteries Q: Whats the difference between acne and a priest? A: Acne waits until you're 14 to cum on you're face Q: Why is sperm white and piss yellow? A: So you know if you're cumming or going Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A: A quarter pounder with cheese

"Please remove your blouse and bra," says the doctor to the young blonde, placing his stethoscope around his neck. When she is ready, the doc says, "Big breaths." "Yeth," she replies, "and I'm only thixthteen!"

A pretty young blonde visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Smith," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination."

In case you missed the article, someone once found a condom in a McDonald's hamburger. 10. We were test marketing the new "McTrojan" 9. Condom, Condiment - what's the damn difference 8. It still tastes better than the Arch Deluxe 7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake 6. Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true 5. We're experimenting with a new even happier Happy Meal 4. So what - a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway 3. Employees too embarrassed to say "Would you like condoms with that" 2. Drive-thru speaker broken- "Coke with lots of ice" sounded like "Prophylactic device" 1. When you're serving billions and billions, you can't be too careful.

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

A doctor was HAVING an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. ''But how will I let you know the baby is born?'' she asked. He replied, ''Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses.'' Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, ''Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today FROM Europe, and I don't understand what it means.'' The doctor said, ''Just wait until I get home and I will EXPLAIN it to you.'' Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, ''Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'''

Woman: Can I get Viagra here? Pharmacist: Yes. Woman: Can I get it over the counter? Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can