Dumb Blonde Classic One Liners Collection

A blonde was standing on one side of a wide, rushing river looking for a bridge or a boat to help her cross to the opposite bank. Seeing another blonde standing on the far side of the river, she cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted across the water, "Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?" The second blonde looked up and down the empty shoreline, cupped her hands around her mouth, and yelled back, "What are you talking about? You're already on the other side!"

A professional ventriloquist was performing his comedy routine at a local club, cracking classic dumb blonde jokes with his wooden dummy sitting on his knee. Halfway through the performance, a blonde woman in the third row stood up on her chair, red-faced with anger, and shouted, "I have had enough of your offensive stereotypes! Being blonde has nothing to do with intelligence, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The ventriloquist, caught off guard, began to apologize, but the blonde interrupted him, pointing a finger and yelling, "I wasn't talking to you, mister! I was talking to that little wooden brat sitting on your lap!"

A blonde was trying to put fresh batteries into her TV remote control, but no matter how she inserted them, the remote refused to work. Her boyfriend picked up the remote, opened the battery compartment, and pointed out that she had put both batteries in backward with the positive poles facing the wrong direction. The blonde gasped, grabbed the batteries back, turned them around, and said, "Oh, I get it now! The power goes in through the round end and comes out through the bumpy end!"

A blonde walked into a high-end clothing boutique, walked up to a full-length mirror mounted on the wall, and stood staring at her reflection for ten solid minutes without moving. The store clerk finally walked up and asked if she needed help finding a size. The blonde pointed at her reflection in the mirror and whispered, "No thanks, but can you tell me who that gorgeous woman is standing over there? She's wearing the exact same outfit as me and she won't stop staring!"