Fishing Jokes Part 9

A greenhorn deckhand joined the crew of a commercial salmon trawler operating in the rough waters of the Gulf of Alaska. On his first morning at sea, he walked up to the wheelhouse to check the weather conditions for the day. He saw the old captain standing on the deck outside, staring intently at a piece of heavy rope tied to the railing. The greenhorn walked over and asked, 'Captain, what are you doing with that piece of rope?' The captain grunted, 'That's my state-of-the-art marine weather station!' The greenhorn looked confused. 'A piece of rope is a weather station? How does it work?' The captain pointed to the rope and explained, 'It's simple. If the rope is wet, it's raining. If the rope is swinging back and forth, it's windy. If the rope is casting a shadow, it's sunny. If the rope is stiff and white, it's freezing. And if the rope is missing... we're in a hurricane!'

Two commercial lobster fishermen off the coast of Maine were pulling up their traps after a heavy storm. Trap after trap came up completely empty, leaving them frustrated after spending hundreds of dollars on diesel fuel and herring bait. Finally, they hauled up their twentieth trap, which contained a single, massive twenty-pound lobster holding a waterproof plastic note in its giant claw. Surprised, the captain grabbed the note, opened it up, and read it out loud to his deckhand: 'Dear Fishermen: We, the local lobster committee, would like to express our sincere appreciation for the delicious free herring buffets you provide every week. However, due to recent economic conditions, we kindly request that you start leaving butter and lemon slices in the traps as well. Sincerely, The Lobsters.'

A young man applied for a job aboard a commercial crab fishing vessel working in the dangerous Bering Sea. The captain, known for being tough on recruits, sat him down for an interview in the harbor tavern. The captain leaned forward and asked, 'Son, suppose you're out on the open deck in thirty-foot seas, a sudden rogue wave washes over the stern, and your best crewmate gets swept overboard. What is the very first thing you do?' The young applicant thought quickly and answered, 'I immediately yell "MAN OVERBOARD!" at the top of my lungs, throw a life ring into the water, and mark the GPS position on the helm console!' The captain shook his head sternly. 'Wrong!' The applicant looked surprised and asked, 'Wrong? What would you do first?' The captain leaned in and whispered, 'First, you write down his boot size... because good waterproof boots are hard to come by in the middle of winter!'

A commercial fishing trawler was navigating through thick fog off a rocky coastline late at night. The captain saw a bright light shining directly ahead through the gloom on a collision course with his vessel. The captain grabbed his radio microphone and broadcasted: 'Unknown vessel ahead, please alter your course ten degrees to the south to avoid a collision!' A voice crackled back over the radio speaker: 'Negative, skipper. You alter YOUR course ten degrees to the north immediately!' The captain, furious at the audacity of the other vessel, grabbed the radio and shouted, 'This is Captain Johnson of the 80-foot commercial trawler Sea Hound! I demand you alter your course ten degrees south right now!' The voice crackled back calmly: 'This is Lighthouse Keeper Tom... your call, skipper.'