Funny Lists Collection 1

You know you're a Star Wars geek when... When you pass out while trying to move a pencil across the desk with the Force. When you get jealous of luke because his light saber is double the size of yours You found this page with intentions of locating the Star Wars "greek" club. You would love to have Frank Oz stick his hand up your ass so you can be as wise as Yoda When you get into a fight, you automaticly find yourself reaching for a lightsaber... If you get your head stuck in a bucket pretending your Darth Vader. When you spend time watching the Star Wars trilogy because you think there will be a test on it later. You punch out trekkies who say "Death star my ass, I'd like to see those losers take out DS9". With a blue-tinted plastic tube, a flashlight, two hours of a saturday night, and 4 rolls of blue electrical tape, you finally complete your own working "Light-saber" Your room is filthy except for your "Star Wars Area." You put on a luminous coloured condom and walk around humming, pretending you're a light-saber You name your right hand 'Leia' You waste three hours and 8,000 brain cells a day coming up with jokes for this page. You think you are the life of the party because you imitate Yoda's voice and have him say things a Jedi master wouldn't say. Whenever you get in trouble, you mutter "I have a bad feeling about this." When you listen for Obi-Wan while attempting to parralell park. When your father asks you how fast your car is, you reply,"Fast enough for you, old man." When you need to go to the toilet, you say "Intensify Foward firepower, I don't want anything to get through" You ram a model X-Wing up someone else's asshole and congratulate yourself for finding the only weak spot. Your girlfriend is called "Jabba the Slut." You don't have any money to buy food or clothes but you have a kick-ass STAR WARS collection. You swear you saw Obi-Wan in your Cheerios. You get caught doing your Darth Vader impression in the bathroom. (what are you doing in there son? *heavy breathing*YOUR POWERS ARE WEAK OLD MAN!!!!) When you wake up screaming, "Luke it's a trap!" You know you're a Star Wars geek when you unsuccessfully get the last cheerio in the bowl and instinctively mutter, "The Force is strong in this one." You start to see visions of Ben Kenobi telling you to go to bed. When you spend eight hours at the library printing this crap out over and over... When your girlfriend says you have a small dick and you say "You underestimate the power of the force." You Find yourself Getting Beaten up for saying everyone's lines 2 seconds before they do in the theatre. When... Your first sentence was "I have a bad feeling about this." When you find yourself quoting the opening lines of "A New Hope".....and don't stop until 125 minutes later. You curse out people that go,"Yeah! I know who Obi-Wan Kenobi is! Isn't he that guy with the funky ears that goes,"Live Long and Prosper?" You punch out people that say,"But I thought Han Solo flew the Enterprise?" You can't resist to hum when you turn on a flashlight Before sex, you look at your penis and say "Get in there, you furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!" You're a Star Wars geek when your teacher hands you your test back and says "commas are your weakness." You shoot back: "And your faith in your friends is yours!" When someone talks about people getting abducted by little green men you say, "Yoda would never do such a thing!" 38. you actually feel the need to attack Star Wars geeks with a camera to prove that you are not of their kind. After looking at your tiny dick you remember yoda's saying "size matters not." When, you're drunker than you've ever been in your life and still know that the possibilitiy of successfully navigating an asteroid field is 3,720 to one. You buy 2 copies of the trilogy just so you could have the full Darth Vader Helmet. You've wached the trilogy more times than mark hammil. When you heard of Titanic getting more money than Star Wars, you immediately reached for your home-made lightsaber and started a hunt for James Cameron. You respond to your friends taunting of "HA! HA! Titanic beat Star Wars!" by clenching your teeth and grunting "We'll get 'em in the prequels" You sabotage the Titanic theatre to play Star Wars: A New Hope when the ship starts to sink. You call in bomb threats every time Titanic starts playing and then start giggling uncontrollably when you watch the people running out. You finnally figure out that ANH rearanged is Han You point out to people that given inflation Star Wars kicked Titanic's Ass by nearly 300 million. When your boss forwards all of your checks to the local Star Wars supplier. The first thing you think of when you hear the words "hot, wet and horny" is a sweating bantha. During sex, you're still rearanging the figures on your shelf. You stand up a date to put jokes on this page. You go to star wars conventions with the sole purpose of getting laid. Aminitor You wake up with a hangover blood on your hands and a ripped t-shirt that says trekkies forever You have a tan line from your Darth Vader helment. At the airport, when the clerk asks you if anyone else has handled your bag you say,"No, it's just me, the boy, two droids...and no questions asked. When your stuck doing fuckin 'yoga' classes because of a misprint on the advertisement Before sex you say, "This may smell bad, kid, but it will keep you warm". You know you're a Star Wars geek when...you spend hours thinking up the new catchphrase "the prequels are gonna sink Titanic! A friend gets a kick ass home audio/video center and you tell him, "Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed."

Lines from Star Wars that can be improved if you substitute the word "Pants" for key words We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down. The pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts. I find your lack of pants disturbing. These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it. Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time! General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault. I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home. TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants? Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants. You are unwise to lower your pants. She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander. Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board. You look strong enough to pull the pants of a Gundark. Luke... Help me remove these pants. Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants. That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational! A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master. Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this. Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness. Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... Your sister! Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser. Short pants is better than no pants at all.

63 Ways To Piss Off A Cop 1. When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?" 2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4. If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer only goes to...... 5. Ask if you can see his gun. 6. When he says you aren't allowed, tell him I just wanted to see if mine was bigger. 7. Touch him. 8. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat. 9. Ask him where he bought his cool hat. 10. Refer to him by his first name. 11. Pretend you are gay and ask him out. 12. When he says no, cry. 13. If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment. 14. If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way. 15. If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood. 16. When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way. 17. When he puts the handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first" 18. Ask to be fingerprinted with candy, cause you don't like ink on your fingers. 19. After you sign the ticket and give it to him, say "Oops! That's the wrong name." 20. Bribe him with donuts, and when he agrees, tell him sorry, I just ate the last one. 21. When he comes up to the car, say "License and registration, please" right when he says it. 22. When he goes to read you your rights, sing "La La La, I can't hear you!" 23. Trip and fall into him. 24. Accuse him of police brutality when he pushes you away. 25. Before you sign the ticket, pick your nose. You have to sign with his pen. 26. Chew on the pen, nervously. 27. Clean your ear with the pen. 28. If it's a click pen, take it apart and play with the spring. 29. Ask if he has a daughter. If he says yes, say I thought the name sounded familiar..... 30. Ask him if he ever worked in a prison. If he says yes, ask him how the plumbing was. 31. Act like you are retarded. 32. When he's telling you what you did wrong, start repeating him, quietly. 33. Mumble to yourself. 34. When he tells you to stop, say what are you talkin about, DUDE? 35. Drive to Dunkin Donuts and say hmmm....only 5 of you here tonight....... 36. Ask if they know how to make the donuts. 37. When he comes to the car, say I have a badge just like yours! 38. Ask if he watches Cops. 39. Ask if ever watched Cop Rock. 40. Giggle if he did. 41. Talk to your hand. 42. Ask if he knows somone named Rosy Palm and her Five Favorite Friends. 43. Accuse him of Sexual Harassment if he does. 44. When he frisks you, say You missed a spot, and grin. 45. When he asks to inspect your car, say there is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last cop got it. 46. Try to sell him your car. 47. Ask if you can buy his car. 48. If he takes you to the station, Ask to sit in front. 49. Play with the siren. 50. If you know him, say you had his wife for dinner. 51. If you don't know him, ask if you can have his wife for dinner. Oops...I meant OVER for dinner 52. Ask if he ever had pu-tang er. 53. If he asks what it is, point at him and giggle. 54. If there is someone else in the car, talk to each other in tongues. 55. When he acts confused, keep talking, look at him and laugh. 56. When you are in the back, touch his neck through the fencing. 57. Turn your head and whistle. 58. When he pulls out his night stick, say what you gonna do with that. 59. If you are female, say I don't do that on the first date. 60. If he sticks you in the back of the car, cower in the corner, suck your thumb, and whine. 61. Stare at his lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!" 62. Tell him you like men in uniform. 63. Ask if you can borrow his uniform for a Halloween party