Funny Lists Collection 10

It's never easy to overcome innate nerdity, a serious Internet addiction, or a hard-core computer gaming habit, but trying usually isn't as painful as kidney stones. Here's how: Let go of the mouse. Turn off the computer. Play a game of solitaire with a real deck of cards. Eat something other than taco chips. Fart without recording it and putting it up your Web page. Get some sleep in bed rather than on your keyboard. Next time you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, don't tell everyone on your ICQ list about it. Open a window without turning your computer back on (yes, it is possible). Very gradually expose your eyes to increasingly bright light so as to avoid damage or permanent sun blindness. When you feel prepared for a massive dose of non-CRT radiation, put on welding goggles and go outside. If you see someone, say "Hi" to them instead of trying to make the modem connect sound. Visit a friend that you haven't spoken to in years because they don't have an email address. Have ".com" officially removed from behind your name. Go on a date with someone you didn't meet in a chat room.

15. Every link seems to take you to www.amway.com. 14. Repetition of same banner ads: Stoli, Mott's... Stoli, Mott's... 13. He brings twenty-three wives to the office Holiday Party. 12. Instead of counting up visitors, your site counts down days to the apocalypse. 11. Suddenly your travel agency's site is featuring inter-planetary excursions for comet watching and one-way tickets to Guyana. 10. His home page says "Best viewed from the Mothership." 9. Your website's "Hall of Fame" inductees required to do stint handing out flowers at airport. 8. Your website is honored as the David Koresh Fan Club's "Site of the Day." 7. She has 38 roommates, yet is oddly stress-free. 6. Insists that Sabbath actually begins when "X-files" ends. 5. Frequently mutters about the "Prophet Steve Jobs" returning to rescue the true believers. 4. Not only does he understand Unix, he *IS* one. 3. Big "N" on your browser replaced by spinning head of Charles Manson. 2. He only answers to the name, "Doe-bert." 1. Ugly clothes; insufficient diet; lack of sleep; goofy haircut; lives in a mansion; has many followe... Hey, wait a minute! That's Bill Gates!!

It's dark when you drive to and from work. You see a good looking person and know it is a visitor. You sat at the same desk for 4 years and worked for three different companies. Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket. You learn about your layoff on CNN. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose your best jokes. Your supervisor hasn't the ability to do your job assignment. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. Salaries of the members on the Executive Board are higher than all the Third World countries' annual budgets combined. Weekends are those days your spouse makes you stay home. Being sick is defined as can't walk or you're in the hospital. All real work gets started after 5pm or on weekends. 10% of the people you work with (boss included) -- knows what they do. Vacation is something you rollover to next year. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers" or "does something with satellites" You read this entire list and understood it.

Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks finds a light saber and accidently activates the weapon whilst he holds it pointed at himself. Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is tortured and killed by the new empire for apparently no reason. Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks is eaten by Jabba the Hutt. Near the beginning of the movie, an asteroid destroys the home planet of Jar Jar Binks, destroying him and the Naboo. Luckily, Padme survives. Jar Jar Binks has become a slave on tattoine. He decides to escape, but forgets that he has an anti-escape device implaneted in his body. His owner sets it off, and he explodes, near the beginning of the movie. Jar Jar Binks becomes a jedi but joins the dark side of the force. Yoda dispatches him quickly at the beginning of the movie. Jar Jar Binks eats what he thinks is a yummy tasty fruit, but what is really a reactive core from a blaster. His death is slow and painful. Jar Jar Binks is eaten by a tribe of Ewoks near the beginning of the movie. Episode II makes no reference at all to Jar Jar Binks or any of his species. Near the beginning of the movie, Jar Jar Binks irritates Anakin so much, Anakin destroys him and vows to destroy his entire species. this causes Anakin to slip further into the dark side. Jar Jar Binks enters an airlock--without putting a spacesuit on first. (near the beginning of the movie) Jar Jar Binks is killed by Boba Fett, who then collects the 2,000,000,000 credits from Padme Naberrie. While visiting Couruscant, Jar Jar Binks is "accidentally" pushed down a 900-foot airshaft by Chancellor Palpatine. Jar Jar Binks is captured by a clone of Darth Maul and suffers great tortures at the hand of Darth Sidious. (a.k.a-Palpatine) Jar Jar Binks is sucked into a black hole while trying to pilot through the Kessel Run.

MS-DOS: You get in the car and try to remember where you put the keys. WINDOWS: You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train. MAC SYSTEM 7: You get in the car to go to the store and the car drives you to church. UNIX: You get in the car and type GREP STORE. After reaching 2000 mph en route, you arrive at the barber's shop. WINDOWS NT: You get in the car and write a letter that says 'go to the store'. Then you get out of the car and nail the letter to the dashboard. TALIGENT/PINK: You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet. OS/2: After fuelling up with 6000 gallons of gas you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everyone in town. S/36 SSP: You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way you are run over by kids on mopeds. AS/400: An attendant kicks you into the car and then drives you to the store where you watch everyone else buy filets mignon.