Things You'll Never Hear Darth Vader Say
If this is a consular ship, could you please tell the ambassador to come out of hiding so we could discuss this like civilized beings?
Has anyone seen my inhaler?
Impressive...most impressive. Can you do that again?
You should not have come back. But, since you're here, let's shake hands and call it even.
But I was going into Toshi station to pick up some power converters!
Man, this armor chafes.
Luke, do you ever get that not-so fresh feeling?
Wow! Neat!
What does that button do?
I'm hungry. Let's get a taco.
Oh man! I just shot Cpt. Needa in the face! Needa's dead, baby. Needa's dead.
Here's looking at you, kid.
Are you the keymaster?
Well, excuuuuuuuuuse me!
You Might Be A Rednick If... (Part VII)
...your kids LIKE the Arch Deluxe hamburger at McDonalds.
...your kids can't go out for Hollween because there's nobody within walking distance to get candy from.
...your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
...your lips move while reading a stop sign.
...your masseuse uses lard.
...your master bathroom has the words "porta" and "potty" written on the side.
...your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day and say you've met your future wife.
...your momma calls you over to help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house
...your momma doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
...your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
...your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.
...your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"
...your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
...your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
...your mother is hairier than your father.
...your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
...your neighbor spits grass when he talks.
...your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
...your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
...your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.
...your primary source of income is the pawn shop.
...your prom date is your brother, or if you went to the prom in your father's pickup truck!
...your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
...your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.
...your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
...your secret family recipe is illegal.
...your smoke detector doubles as your dinner bell.
...your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.
...your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.
...your tackle box contains dynamite and blasting caps.
...your toilet paper has page numbers on it!
...your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
...your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
...your wedding was held in the delivery room.
...your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.
...your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
...your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
...your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
...your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.
...your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"
...your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
...your wife repeatedly has to tell you to take your transmission off the table!
...your wife wears the same underwear as you do.
...your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
...your wife's hairdo attracts bees.
...your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan!
...your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
Lines You Always Wanted to Hear In a Star Wars Film
Luke: Hey, what happened to Biggs? I could have sworn he was here a minute ago...
Random Imperial Trooper: Emperor Palpatine? Here's that wrinkle cream you asked for, sir...
R2D2 : Anything coherent
Han : Okay, I admit it. It's all my fault.
Luke: You're kinda cute...can I buy you a drink?
Luke: (trying to impress girl) Wanna see some neat Jedi tricks?
Jabba : Anything that doesn't start with Hooo, Hoooo, Hooo
Yoda or Mon Mothma : I've fallen, and I can't get up!
Anonymous Death Star Officer: Wow, that Vader is touchy today.
C3PO : No comment
Chewbacca: Why don't I ever get the girl?
Han : I traded the Falcon in for this new family model...
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Luke, will you please stop whining?
Darth Vader: This is CNN.
Ewok Female: You know, that Chewbacca may be tall, but he's awfully cute.
Luke: Jeez, only one woman around, and she has to be my sister.
Jabba : Pass me that can of SlimFast, will you?
Imerial Officer: Why don't any of the rebels have this British accent?
Leia: I want my hairstylist executed - immediately.
Yoda: I have seen the future, and we're never going to make it to Episode 7.
Lando : Okay, I admit it. It's all my fault.
Han : Chewie, you need shampoo AGAIN?!
Han : OUCH! Chewie, have you been using my razor again?
Luke : Jedi, Shmedi. Let's go hit a bar, Han.
Luke : Anybody got a cigarette?
Boba Fett : You know, I'm actually a really nice guy when you get to know me...
Palpatine : Budget crisis? Whaddaya mean BUDGET CRISIS???
Jabba : And pack the extra Sand Skiff with Rolaids
Bib Fortuna : Does anyone here know how to do a French Braid?
Han : Hey Lando - how much DO you spend on dry cleaning, anyway?
Lando : Han, you seem troubled...have you called my psychic hotline yet?
Leia : No, I didn't say TRIM, I said cut it ALL OFF!
C3PO : Actually, I have nothing to say.
Things Luke Did Between ESB and ROTJ
1. Spent a lot of time in the gymnastics facilities working on those AMAZING backflips, etc...
2. Played "Itsy Bitsy Spider" trying to get his fingers to work again
3. One word: Whined
4. Spent days, and days, and days trying to figure out why his mom married a walking toaster.
5. Played "Ding, Dong, Ditch" with doorways on board the Medical Frigate to practice his Force skills until they kicked him out.
6. Learned to shoot baskets again.