Funny Lists Collection 37

1) You can GET chocolate. 2) "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3) Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4) You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. 5) You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. 6) You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. 7) If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. 8) Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. 9) The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. 10) You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers. 11) You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. 12) You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. 13) With chocolate there's no need to fake it. 14) Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. 15) You can have chocolate at anytime of the month. 16) Good chocolate is easy to find. 17) You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle. 18) You are never too young or too old for chocolate. 19) When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. 20) With chocolate size doesn't matter.

"It's a guy thing." Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?" "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "It would take too long to explain." Really means..."I have no idea how it works. "We're going to be late." Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear." Really means...."Are you still talking?" "It's a really good movie." Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women." "That's women's work." Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless." "You know how bad my memory is." "Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday." "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means.... "...And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall right into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?" "I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You know I could never love anyone else." Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again." "We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."

My Jedi brat can beat up your honors student I survived the Battle of Endor Palpatine, save me from your followers My other starship is an SSD Visit Scenic Beggars Canyon Jedi Master on board -- please fly carefully Support your local stormtrooper -- buy Imperial Max Rebo Tour '99 [or whatever year it is] X-wing pilots do it better WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY (on the Star Destroyer's rear, silly) why yes, i *did* see that movie, why do you ask? Poodoo happens... "My other vehicle is an AT-AT" "Palpatine/Vader in 2000 (Like you have a choice)" "If you don't like the way I fly, stay out of the asteroid field" "The only way they'll get my Standard-Imperial Blaster Rifle is if they pry it from my cold, dead hands" "I brake for Wookies (But not for Ewoks)" "Don't follow me - my hyperdrive is disabled" Graduate of the Han Solo School of Asteroid Belt Navigation Graduate of the Darth Vader School of Personnel Management Yoda School of Sentence Structure Graduate, I Am! Baby Ewok on Board Jedi Academy Honor Student on Board Don't Like the Way I Drive? Call 1-800-FLY-CASUAL My Other Car is an Incom T-16 Member of Stormtroopers Local 1138 Mon Mothma for Emperor!

HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Drive away HERS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Back up and pull forward to get closer 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for grocery receipt with PIN written on it. 9. Enter PIN 10. Study instructions. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. Stop 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Drive 3 miles 41. Release parking brake