Golf Jokes Vol 6

An overworked executive went to see his physician complaining of severe stress, chronic fatigue, and high blood pressure. After a thorough physical examination, the doctor sat the executive down in his office. 'Your blood pressure is dangerously elevated,' the doctor warned. 'You are working sixty hours a week and carrying far too much tension. I am giving you an absolute medical directive: you must start playing golf twice a week.' The executive was surprised. 'Golf? Doctor, will playing golf really lower my blood pressure and reduce my stress levels?' 'Well,' the doctor replied, leaning back in his chair, 'it depends on how you play. If you play seriously and care about your score, your blood pressure will skyrocket, you will tear your hair out, and you will scream at strangers.' 'Then why on earth are you prescribing it to me?' the executive asked in confusion. 'Because,' the doctor smiled, 'as long as you're out on the fairway trying to find your ball in the woods, you won't be in your office answering work emails.'

Two novice golfers who had only taken one introductory lesson were playing their very first round of eighteen holes together. They managed to make it to the seventh hole without destroying too much turf, but then the first beginner hit his ball straight into a deep, steep-walled greenside bunker. He grabbed a sand wedge, climbed down into the trap, and took a mighty swing. Sand exploded everywhere, showering his face and shirt, but the ball didn't move an inch. He took another aggressive swing. More sand flew into the air, but the ball merely rolled two inches to the left. He tried a third time, chopping down hard into the sand. The ball popped up, hit the steep wooden lip of the bunker, and rolled right back down to his feet. His friend stood at the top of the bunker watching the struggle. After the fifth failed attempt, the friend called down, 'Hey Dave! Why don't you try taking some sand with the ball?' The golfer in the bunker wiped the sweat and grit from his eyes, glared up at his friend, and shouted, 'What do you think I've been eating for the last ten minutes?!'

Three elderly gentlemen in their late eighties were getting ready to tee off for their weekly round of golf. The first gentleman stepped up to the tee, took a slow swing, and hit a high drive down the middle. He shaded his eyes with his hand, looked down the fairway, and sighed, 'Oh dear, my eyesight is so bad these days. I saw the ball take off, but I completely lost track of it after a hundred yards. Did anyone see where it landed?' The second gentleman shook his head. 'My eyes are even worse than yours. I lost sight of it right off the clubface.' They both turned to the third gentleman, who was eighty-nine years old. 'Frank, you have the best memory and vision of all of us. Did you see where the ball went?' 'I certainly did!' Frank boasted proudly. 'I watched it the entire way! It flew straight down the fairway, took a gentle bounce to the left, and stopped right next to the 150-yard marker!' The first two gentlemen breathed a sign of relief. 'That's fantastic news, Frank! Where is it?' Frank scratched his chin, looked around in confusion, and said, 'I don't remember.'

A golfer who was infamous at his club for having a few too many cocktails during his round reached the par-three 16th hole, which featured a wide, murky lake surrounding the entire green. He teed up his ball, wobbled slightly in his stance, and swung wildly. The ball took a hard right turn and splashed directly into the middle of the lake. Without hesitation, the golfer unbuttoned his shirt, pulled off his shoes and socks, waded out into the waist-deep murky water, and began feeling around the muddy bottom with his toes trying to locate his ball. His playing partner yelled from the shore, 'What are you doing? Just drop another ball on the grass and take a one-stroke penalty!' The golfer turned around in the water, splashed his hands, and yelled back, 'Are you crazy? This ball cost me four dollars!' 'Yeah,' his friend shouted back, 'and you've got twenty-five dollars worth of booze in your left hand!'