Golf Jokes Vol 7

A beginner who had only been playing golf for two weeks joined a foursome of veteran players to fill out a local charity tournament scramble. On the par-three fourth hole, which played 165 yards over a deep ravine to an elevated green, the three veterans all hit their shots into various hazards—one in the front bunker, one in the deep rough, and one into the trees. The beginner stepped up to the tee box with a brand-new driver he had bought that morning. He lined up awkwardly, swung with all his strength, and struck the ball clean. The ball soared high into the air, cleared the ravine, landed gently on the front edge of the green, released down the subtle slope, and dropped right into the cup for an astounding hole-in-one! The three veterans erupted into wild cheers, jumping up and down and high-fiving the beginner in utter disbelief. 'That was unbelievable!' one veteran screamed. 'An incredible hole-in-one! You must be thrilled!' The beginner looked at the green with a completely unimpressed expression, shrugged his shoulders, and replied, 'Well, isn't that the point of the game? Why do you guys make it so complicated?'

A passionate golfer spent every waking moment of his weekends at the country club. Every Saturday and Sunday morning at 5:00 AM, he would slip out of bed, put on his golf clothes, and head to the course, leaving his wife alone at home all day. One Sunday morning, he woke up at 5:00 AM to pitch-black darkness. He walked out to his garage, loaded his clubs into his trunk, and drove toward the golf course. As he arrived at the front gate, a terrible torrential downpour began, accompanied by howling freezing winds and thick fog. Realizing that the course would be completely unplayable, he reluctantly turned his car around and drove back home. He quietly undressed in the dark bedroom, slipped back into bed under the warm covers, hugged his sleeping wife from behind, and whispered into her ear, 'The weather out there is absolutely horrific today.' His wife, without turning around, snuggled closer into the blanket and replied softly, 'I know, right? Can you believe my idiot husband is out there playing golf in it?'

A guest golfer was playing at an exclusive international resort course known for its steep, challenging terrain and highly disciplined caddies. On the 12th green, the golfer was left with a tricky twelve-foot downhill putt that sloped sharply from right to left toward a water hazard. Wanting to be precise, he turned to his caddie and asked, 'What do you think of this line? Is it two balls to the right?' The caddie stood behind the ball, evaluated the slope with absolute solemnity, and replied, 'Sir, I advise aiming exactly three inches to the left of the cup and putting with very soft hands.' The golfer disagreed. 'No, I think it breaks to the left. I'm going to aim two inches to the right.' He stroked the ball firmly. As predicted by the caddie, the ball caught the severe slope, curved sharply to the left, missed the cup completely by six feet, rolled off the edge of the green, and trickled into the deep lake. The golfer stood in shock, turned to the caddie angrily, and demanded, 'Why on earth didn't you stop me from taking that line?!' The caddie bowed respectfully, adjusted his caddie cap, and replied, 'Sir, at these prices, the customer is always allowed to be completely wrong.'

Two golfers were playing a fast-paced round on a crowded Sunday afternoon. On the ninth hole, one of the golfers hit his drive way left into a dense, overgrown patch of tall weeds and brambles. He walked over to the rough and began methodically searching through the brush, using his club to move weeds aside. Five minutes passed, then ten minutes, then fifteen minutes. The group behind them began angrily honking their golf cart horns. His playing partner finally walked over, visibly annoyed, and said, 'Look, John, we are holding up the entire golf course! Forget about that ball, drop a new one on the fairway, take a penalty stroke, and let's keep moving!' John kept hacking away at the bushes with his wedge and yelled back, 'No way! This is my good ball!' 'It's just a golf ball!' his partner exasperatedly shouted. 'It can't be worth more than three dollars!' John paused, looked back over his shoulder, and grunted, 'It is to me! It's a gift from my boss!' 'So what?' his friend argued. 'Buy another one!' John shook his head determinedly and said, 'You don't understand... it's the only ball I have left!'