Corporate And Contract Law Jokes

A notorious corporate attorney passed away at the age of sixty-eight after a long career of drafting impenetrable multi-hundred-page corporate merger agreements. Upon reaching the pearly gates, Saint Peter looked through his ledger and shook his head, explaining that due to a lifetime of questionable legal ethics, the attorney was bound for the underworld. Down in Hell, the Devil welcomed the attorney warmly and offered him a seat in a luxurious office. "Here's the deal," the Devil said, pushing a glowing parchment across the table. "You can have unlimited wealth, status, and luxury down here, provided you sign this contract assigning your eternal spirit to me." The corporate attorney pulled out his trusty fountain pen, adjusted his reading glasses, and spent forty-eight continuous hours scrutinizing every single sub-clause, footnote, and indemnification provision in the Devil's contract. Finally, the attorney looked up, tapped the document, and frowned at Satan. "What's the matter?" asked the Devil, surprised. "Is the catch too terrible?" "No, that's not it at all," replied the attorney, pointing to Section 4, Paragraph B. "The catch is fine. I'm just trying to figure out where the hidden catch is for me to bill you twenty thousand dollars for legal document review!"

A farmer in a rural county walked into the grandest law firm in the state capital, holding his prized golden retriever by a leather leash. He was escorted into the corner office of the managing partner, where he politely asked how much the firm charged for legal advice. "Our standard fee," said the managing partner, puffing on an expensive cigar, "is five hundred dollars for answering three questions." The farmer gasped slightly but reached into his pocket, pulled out five crisp one-hundred-dollar bills, and placed them on the desk. "Well, that seems awfully expensive, doesn't it?" "Yes, it certainly is," replied the attorney, sweeping the cash into his desk drawer without missing a beat. "Now, what is your third question?"

A massive storm caused a structural tear in the atmospheric barrier separating Heaven and Hell, causing an immense leakage of hellfire into the celestial gardens. God called Satan on the inter-dimensional phone to demand an immediate structural repair of the boundary wall. "According to the original creation covenant of Year Zero," God said sternly, "it is Hell's sole responsibility to maintain the physical integrity of the lower partition wall. If you do not fix it within twenty-four hours, I will be forced to sue you for breach of cosmic contract." Satan chuckled softly over the line. "Go ahead and sue me. Where on earth or in heaven are you going to find a lawyer to draft the complaint? All of them are down here working in my litigation department!"

A prominent corporate litigator suffered a sudden heart attack and found himself standing before the pearly gates. Saint Peter stepped forward, checked his master ledger, and greeted the lawyer warmly. "Welcome! We are honored to host someone who lived such a long and full life," Saint Peter announced. The lawyer looked puzzled. "What do you mean, a long life? I'm only forty-two years old! I was in the prime of my legal career!" Saint Peter opened the ledger wider and pointed to the detailed audit figures. "Well, according to the total billable hours you recorded and submitted to your corporate clients over the past twenty years, you are actually one hundred and fourteen years old!"