Male Bashing Collection 2

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle, and extends it back to the woman. Politely, the woman refuses to accept the bottle. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

A young couple had been married for a couple of weeks, and the man was always after his wife to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some lovemaking, and he said, "You really ought to quit." She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good cigarette after sex." He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied that he never had. Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's your excuse?"

Men are like a pack of cards: you need a Heart to love them; a Diamond to marry them a Club to batter them; and a Spade to bury the bastards.

Humor in the Restroom - The Wisdom you can find on the Walls 1. Friends don't let their friends take home a ugly men. from n a Women's restroom in Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE. 2. Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" in a -from a Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia. Remember 3. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. in from a Men's Room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina 4. Make love, not war. Hell, do both, get married! From a a -Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Montana 5. A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. from a -Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Texas 6. No wonder you always go home alone. From a Sign over mirror in Men's restroom at Beverly Hills, CA 7. Beauty is only a light switch away in a restroom in the -Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, North Carolina. 8. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. from the -The Irish Times, Washington, DC 9. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Flagstaff, Arizona. 10. If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. From Revolution Books, New York, New York 11, Don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die. from a -Men's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, IL 12. Please don't throw your cigarette butts in the urinal. It makes them soggy and hard to light. --The Janitor 13. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. in a -Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, KY

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were men and one woman. The rope was starting to fray so they all agreed that one person should let go because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save theirs, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving into men, and that after all, men were the superior sex and must be saved. When she finished speaking, all the men clapped. Never under estimate the evil of a woman.

Dear _______________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check those that apply) 1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it. 2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion. 3. ___The fact that our first dining experience to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter! 4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality. 5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself. 6. ___Your constant emailing, shows me you have TOO much time on your hands! 7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants. 8. ___You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess. 9. ___You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you. 10. ___You have a hairy back. 11. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing. 12. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable. 13. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation. 14. ___You still live with your parents. 15. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting. 16. ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker. 17. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner. 18. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application. 19. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms that I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip. 20. ___I am out of your league; set your sights lower next time. Sincerely, _________________________________