Male Bashing Collection 4

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless. 9. A better model is always just around the corner. 8. They look nice and shiny, until you bring them home. 7. It is always necessary to have a backup. 6. They'll do whatever you say, if you push the right buttons. 5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play. 4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on. 3. The lights are on but nobody's home. 2. Big power surges knock them out for the night. 1. Size does matter.

A traveling saleswoman is driving toward home in Arizona when she sees an Indian woman hitchhiking. She stops the car and the Indian woman gets in. After a bit of small talk, the Indian woman notices a brown bag on the front seat. "What's in the bag?", she asks. "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband". The Indian woman is silent for a while, then nods and says, "you made a good trade".

A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. it was foundthat men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T" For Example: Tuesday Thursday Thanksgiving Today Tomorrow

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night: - 5% said it was to get a glass of water. - 12% said it was to go to the toilet. - 83% said it was to go home.

A woman rushes home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, she slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband says, 'Oh my gosh! No kidding? What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the hell out."

A wife reports, My Husband, not happy with my mood swings so he bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big frickin' red mark on his forehead.

We got off the Titanic first. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We can cry and get off speeding fines. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxis stop for us. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, free dinners. We can hug our friends without wondering if they're gay. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. If we're not making enough money we can blame the glass ceiling. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her butt. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. We have the ability to dress ourselves. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do more sit-ups. 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and jaffa cake body wash. 11. Rinse conditioner off hair. 12. Shave armpits and legs. 13. Turn off shower. 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. 16. Hang floor towel on side of tub. 17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs. 18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. 19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. 2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. 3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. 4. Get in the shower. 5. Wash your face. 6. Wash your armpits. 7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. 8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower. 9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. 10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. 11. Shampoo your hair. 12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. 14. Pee. 15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?) 16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. 17. Admire wiener size in mirror again. 18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on. 19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. 20. Throw wet towel on bed.