Military Jokes Artillery Snipers Precision Fire

A rookie forward observer was tasked with calling in simulated heavy artillery strikes during a field exercise. High on an observation hill, he spotted the target grid, pulled out his map, calculated the trajectory adjustments, and radioed the battery: 'Fire Mission! Grid 55-90, azimuth 180, adjust drop 200 meters, fire for effect!' A minute later, a loud whistle echoed overhead, followed by a massive impact explosion two miles behind their own observation post. The battery commander radioed back: 'Observer, report impact assessment!' The sweating observer picked up his radio and whispered, 'Sir, target remains completely undamaged, but you just took out our battalion commander's mobile mess tent! Re-calculating math now!'

A veteran sniper instructor was evaluating a student team during a high-stakes stalking exercise. The objective was for the sniper pair to sneak across an open grassy field completely undetected and take a simulated shot at the target dummy near the instructor's observation post. After two hours of watching the field through binoculars, the instructor walked out into the grass, stopped right in front of a small thorn bush, and kicked it lightly. 'Out of the grass, Corporal!' the instructor yelled. The student popped up in his ghillie suit and gasped, 'Instructor! How did you spot my perfect camouflage?' The instructor sighed, 'Corporal, thorn bushes don't usually move two feet to the left every time a butterfly flies past!'

During a rapid-deployment firing drill, an infantry mortar crew was ordered to set up their weapon system and fire three training rounds in under two minutes. The squad leader barked orders as the soldiers leaped out of their truck, set up the bipod, locked the barrel into place, and prepared to drop the first round. Just as the gunner held the shell over the muzzle, the ammo bearer yelled out, 'Wait! Hold fire!' The squad leader spun around and screamed, 'What's the hold up, soldier?' The ammo bearer pointed down at the bare mud and yelled, 'We forgot to attach the heavy steel baseplate! If we drop that round, the mortar tube is going to shoot itself straight down into the Earth like a oil drill!'

An old Master Sergeant was taking a tour group of young civilian recruits through a heavy artillery battery display featuring massive 155mm howitzers. He stood in front of the giant steel barrel and explained the immense destructive power and long range of the weapon system. A recruit raised his hand and asked, 'Sergeant, how loud is it when one of these giant guns actually fires a shell?' The Master Sergeant smiled, leaned down, and said in a gentle whisper, 'Son, let me put it to you this way: when this gun fires, you don't hear the sound with your ears. You hear it with your fillings, your boots, and your ancestors from three generations ago!'