Music And Band Jokes Collection 5

My computer crashed and died today And I thought, "oh well what the hey" Now I'd have time to clean my house And see if I still had a spouse It started out with weird frustrations Combined with mild heart palpitations And then my ankles began to swell Withdrawal symptoms from no AOL Chills ran up and down my spine Oh, God I had to get on-line To greet my buds and check my mail I began to feel helpless and frail Then I remembered the Good Guy's Store And all those computers by the door I'd go there and when alone With no one looking I'd sign-on I stepped up to a computer, clicked on AOL The Sign-On screen came up, man it sure looked swell I clicked on the Guest name, then came the modem sound I was having cold-sweats, as my heart began to pound Then I typed my password, and the computer said, "Goodbye" And that's what I kept hearing each time that I would try. This was just an evil plot, the store was playing tricks If only they had known how bad I need my AOL fix I ...slowly... typed... my... password... then...I... stood....and...waited The darned thing said , "Goodbye" again and I got real frustrated That's when I shoved the keyboard thru the monitor screen And the last thing I remember is my loud shrieking scream When I woke I was handcuffed being booked I think I asked the data entry cop, if he'd get me a drink Now I'm sitting in his chair, and I know I can get well If I can just use his computer to sign on AOL.

My name is Spam. Spam I Am. I have some stuff I'd like to sell. Take a look! It's really swell! I do not want your worthless spam. I do not want it, Spam I Am. Spam I Am: $500 software that really rocks! Just 20 bucks--still in the box! You are really full of bunk. I do not want your bootleg junk! I do not want your worthless Spam. I do not want it Spam I Am. Spam I Am: How about some fast cash? Fifty Thousand in a flash!!! How stupid do you think I am? I won't join your shady scam. You are a sucker, you silly gitch. If it worked, we'd all be rich! I do not want your worthless spam. I do not want it Spam I Am. Spam I Am: Check out this great idea of mine! For Web Hosting and Design! I went to your site; it really sucks! For this you're charging lots of bucks? You could at least learn to spell. Why don't you just go to hell. I do not want your worthless spam. I do not want it Spam I Am. Don't pretend your ads are new. You insult us when you do. I won't buy your worthless stocks. Our heads are not full of rocks Stop it Spam. Enough's enough. I do not want your trashy stuff! I do not want your damn spam! I do not want it Spam I Am!

I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see. It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I dew knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait aweigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the era rite Its rarely ever wrong. I've scent this massage threw it, And I'm shore your pleased too no Its letter prefect in every weigh; My checker tolled me sew.

What's this thing called PSP? I pondered and I wondered... I hit this key and that key.. Oh gosh how I blundered! It scared me to death the things what were in there, the tools were all taunting... Click on me if you dare! I clicked on the browser and things went a'flyin... scared me to death and left me a'cryin! I hit the wrong key and the toolbar went 'Poof!' I thought "Oh my goodness, did I ever goof! It said 'open an image' an image? What could that be? This button, that button... This thing's a'pickin on me!! But the more I went in there and the more things I tried, I no longer feared it, I no longer cried. I learned it and learned it and learned it some more, Now the rest of my life I just plain ignore! So don't bother callin I won't answer the phone... I'm a PSP'er.... Just leave me alone!!!

Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella, Not a creature was stirrin', Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin' pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, "YO! Keep it down!" When what to my Wanderin' eyes should appear, But da Don of all elfs, And eight friggin' reindeer! Wit' slicked back black hair, And a silk red suit, don Christopher wuz here, And he brought da loot! Wit' a slap to dare snouts, And a yank on dare manes, He cursed and he shouted, And he called dem by name. "Yo Tony, Yo Frankie, Yo Vinny, Yo Vito, Ay Joey, Ay Paulie, Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!" As I drew out my gun And hid by da bed, He flew troo da winda And slapped me 'side da head. "What da hell you doin' Pullin' a gun on da Don? Now all you're gettin' is coal, You friggin' moron!" Den pointin' a fat finga Right unda my nose, He twisted his pinky ring, And up da chimney he rose. He sprang to his sleigh, Obscenities screamin', Away dey all flew, Before he troo dem a beatin'. Den I heard him yell out, What I did least expect, "Merry Friggin' Christmas to all, And yous better show some respect!"