Music And Band Jokes Collection 7

I did not kill my lovely wife. I did not slash her with a knife. I did not bonk her on the head. I did not know that she was dead. I stayed at home that fateful night. I took a cab, then took a flight. The bag I had was just for me. My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be. When I came home I had a gash. My hand was cut from broken glass. I cut my hand on broken glass. A broken glass did cause that gash. I have nothing, nothing to hide. My friend, he took me for a ride. Did you take this person's life? Did you do it with a knife? I did not do it with a knife. I did not, could not kill my wife. I did not do this awful crime. I could not, would not anytime. Did you hit her from above? Did you drop this bloody glove? I did not hit her from above. I cannot even wear that glove. I did not do it with a knife. I did not, could not kill my wife. I did not do this awful crime. I could not, would not, not anytime. And now I'm free, I can return To my house for which I yearn. And to my family whom I love. Hey now I'm free -- Give back my glove!!

A guy sticks his location, In a girl's destinstion, To increase the population, For the next generation. Do you get my explanation? Or do you need a demonstration?

Little blue eyed Rose Sinclair, Stood shyly by the barber's chair While Mr. Fairclough trimmed the hair Of Rose's father, sitting there. And as she stood, she slowly ate A bar of creamy choco-late Her favourite milky 'Twinkle Bar' Bought earlier, by dear Papa. "Don't stand so close" the barber frowned As clippings tumbled all around "'Cos' standing there, the chances are You'll get hairs on your chocolate bar!" But little Rose, a shy young child Just snuggled up to Pa and smiled So Mr. Fairclough, in dismay Continued cutting anyway. And when he'd finished father's head, He turned to little Rose and said "Have you got hairs on your 'Twinkle' then?" "Not yet", said Rose... "I'm only ten!!!"

In the Garden of Eden, As everyone knows, Lives Adam and Eve, Without any clothes. In this garden, Were two little leaves, One covered Adam's, One covered Eve's. As the story goes on, Never the less to say, The wind came along, And blew the leaves away. At the sight, Adam did stare, There was Eve's treasure, All covered with hair. And wonder came, Under Eve's eyes, As Adam's thing, Started to rise. They found a spot, That suited them best, A nice big tree, Where they began to rest. Her legs spread wider, And wider apart, While thrill after thrill, Came into her heart. The head of Adam's thing, Peeked into the hole, And filled her with passion, Beyond her control. Backward and forward, His thing did slide, And Eve's treasure, Was all wet inside. The joy was good, She wouldn't let loose, Until Adam's thing, Was all out of juice. Then down through the years, People did screw, And now it is time, For me and you. So pull down your pants, And lay in the grass, Cause I'm in the mood, For a piece of that ASS!

The sky was dark The moon was high All alone Just her and I Her hair so soft Her eyes so blue I knew just what She wanted to do Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine I didn't know how But I tried my best To place my hand On her breasts I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart And when she did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came At last it's finished It's all over now My first time Milking a cow!

For six years, the young attorney had worked incredibly long hours in his quest to make partner, and had taken only brief respites at a nearby country inn. During his last, brief visit, he had a moment of passion with the innkeeper's daughter. Having done little but stare at the walls of his office since then, he looked forward to his next trip to the inn, in the hope that they could pick up where they left off. Finally, he had another chance to take a couple of days off. Excited, he hauled his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap! "Why didn't you call me when you learned you were pregnant?" he asked. "You know I would have have done the right thing -- we could have been married. I would be a good provider." "Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin' and talkin' and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer."

Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise. Q: What do you get when you throw a banjo and an accordion off the Empire State Building? A: Who Cares... Q: What do you call twenty-five banjos up to their necks in sand? A: Not enough sand. Q: What do you call one-hundred banjos at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start. Q: What did the banjo player get on his IQ (or SAT) test? A: Drool... Q: Why do some people take an instant aversion to banjo players? A: It saves time in the long run. Q: What will you never say about a banjo player? A: That's the banjo player's porsche. Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs? A: By there names...(used to be Irish fiddle tunes) Q: What is the difference between a french horn and a lawnmower? A: You can tune a lawnmower. Q: What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion? A: Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces. Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? A: The grip. Q: What is the difference between an accordion and a trampoline? A: You are supposed to take off your shoes before jumping on the trampoline. Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None. They have a machine that does that now. Q: What do you call someone who hangs around a bunch of musicians? A: A drummer. Q: How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? A: The knocking always speeds up. Q: Why do drummers always have trouble entering a room ? A: They never know when to come in. Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? A: 50. 1 to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better. Q: What do lead trumpet players use for birth control? A: Their personality. Q: What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: "I didn't wake up this morning..." Q: What's the difference between a moose and a blues band? A: The moose has the horns up front and the asshole behind. Q: How many members of U2 does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. Bono holds up the light bulb, and the universe revolves around his ass. Q: What's the difference between a viola and a violin? A: A violin burns faster. Q: Why is a violist like a terrorist? A: They both fuck up bowings. Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers. Q: What's the difference between a violist and a dressmaker? A: A dressmaker tucks up frills. Q: What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline.