Naughty Johnny Jokes Part 10

It was mid-December, and Little Johnny was sitting at the kitchen table writing his annual letter to Santa Claus. His mother walked over, poured a cup of coffee, and looked over his shoulder. She saw that Johnny had written a massive list of expensive gadgets, video games, and bicycles. "Johnny," his mother said gently, "Santa only brings big gifts to children who have been good all year long. Have you been a good boy this year?" Johnny stopped writing, looked up at his mother, and said, "Well, mom, 'good' is a very flexible word." His mother raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? How so?" Johnny explained, "I haven't been good, but I haven't been caught either, so technically Santa's record on me is completely clean!"

On Thanksgiving morning, Little Johnny stood in the kitchen watching his mother prepare the raw turkey for the oven. He watched with intense curiosity as his mother stuffed breadcrumbs, herbs, and celery into the cavity of the bird. Johnny wrinkled his nose and asked, "Mom, why are you putting all that food inside the turkey?" His mother smiled and said, "It's called stuffing, Johnny! It makes the meat tender and delicious while it roasts." Johnny stared at the turkey for a moment and said, "Well, if that turkey was still alive, he'd probably be screaming 'Stop eating my stomach!'"

For Little Johnny's eighth birthday, his parents threw a big backyard party and invited all of his classmates from school. When it was time to open presents, Johnny unhitched a large box wrapped in bright blue paper from his aunt. Inside was a giant set of wooden building blocks and educational puzzles. Johnny looked at the blocks, looked at his aunt, and said in a clear, ringing voice, "Aunt Sarah, thank you so much for the box!" His mother quickly chimed in, "Johnny! What about the blocks inside?" Johnny grumbled, "The box is great for playing fort, but the blocks look suspiciously like extra homework!"

On Halloween night, Little Johnny was getting ready to go trick-or-treating with his friends down the street. His mother helped him put on a realistic doctor's lab coat, a stethoscope, and a pair of round spectacles. As they stepped out onto the porch, a neighbor walking past smiled and said, "Oh, look at you, Johnny! Are you dressed up as a famous doctor tonight?" Johnny pulled off his spectacles, looked the neighbor straight in the eye, and said, "Nope! I'm dressed up as a medical bill collector! Give me your full-size candy bars or I'll audit your health records!"