Naughty Johnny Jokes Part 2

Sunday school was in full swing, and the teacher, Mrs. Gable, was teaching the young kids about the famous miracles performed in the Scriptures. She looked around the room and decided to test their comprehension. "Children, can anyone tell me what miracle happened when Moses stretched out his staff over the Red Sea?" Little Johnny’s hand popped up instantly. Mrs. Gable, hoping he would give a serious answer for once, called on him. "Go ahead, Johnny." "The sea parted into two huge walls of water so the Israelites could walk across on dry land!" Johnny answered correctly. Mrs. Gable was thrilled. "Wonderful, Johnny! And what happened when the Egyptian army followed them?" Johnny grinned. "The walls of water collapsed and drowned every single one of them!" "That's right! Now, Johnny, what lesson do we learn from this great event?" Johnny leaned back in his chair and said, "We learn that if you're ever being chased by an army, you'd better make sure you've got a guy with a magic stick on your team!"

Little Johnny accidentally broke the living room lamp while practicing his indoor baseball swing. Fearing his mother's wrath, he decided to visit the local church to clear his conscience before heading home. He stepped into the quiet confessional box, sat down on the small wooden bench, and waited. The priest opened the sliding screen and said softly, "Bless you, my child. What sins do you wish to confess today?" Johnny whispered, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I broke my mother's favorite antique lamp while playing ball inside the house." The priest thought for a moment and asked, "Are you truly sorry for what you have done, my son?" Johnny hesitated, then said, "Father, I'm extremely sorry... but mostly I'm just terrified of what my mom is going to do to my backside when she finds out!" The priest chuckled quietly behind the curtain and replied, "Well, Johnny, saying three Hail Marys will help your soul, but you might want to stuff a small pillow in your pants to help your bottom!"

The pastor came to visit the youth Sunday school class to inspect how well the children understood the story of Noah and the Ark. "Children," the pastor began in a booming, friendly voice, "Noah spent one hundred and twenty years building the great ark, and he gathered two of every living creature on Earth to save them from the flood." Little Johnny raised his hand with an intense look of curiosity on his face. "Yes, Johnny? Do you have a question about Noah's noble task?" the pastor asked. "Yes, Pastor," Johnny said gravely. "If Noah brought two of every creature onto the ark to keep them safe, why on earth did he bring two mosquitoes?"

Every Sunday, Little Johnny's grandfather would take him to the morning service. Before sitting down in the pew, the grandfather would give Johnny a shiny dollar bill to place in the collection plate. One Sunday, as the usher walked down the aisle passing the brass plate, Johnny held his dollar tightly in his hand. When the plate reached their row, Johnny dropped his dollar in, but immediately reached in and pulled out four quarters. His grandfather gasped, nudged him hard, and whispered furiously, "Johnny! What on earth are you doing taking money out of the collection plate?" Johnny looked up at his granddad with total innocence and whispered back, "Relax, granddad! The usher said 'Give what you can,' and I just needed change for the vending machine outside!"