Funny Police Breathalyzer Stories

A traffic cop stopped a car that was weaving slightly between lanes late on a Saturday night. When the officer approached the driver's window, he was shocked to see a live emperor penguin sitting in the front passenger seat. The officer frowned and said, 'Sir, you cannot drive around town with a penguin in your car! You need to take him directly to the zoo right now.' The driver agreed enthusiastically and drove off. The following night, the same officer spotted the exact same car, and sure enough, the penguin was still sitting in the passenger seat, but this time it was wearing pair of sunglasses. The officer pulled the car over again and shouted, 'I thought I told you to take that penguin to the zoo!' The driver smiled and replied, 'I did, Officer! We had so much fun at the zoo yesterday that tonight we're going to the movies!'

A police officer pulled over a driver suspected of being intoxicated after seeing the car wobble down the road. The officer requested that the driver step out of the vehicle to perform a standard field sobriety test. The officer said, 'I need you to walk in a straight line, heel-to-toe, for ten steps.' The driver stepped out of the car, pulled three juggling balls from his jacket pocket, performed three flawless backflips, landed on one foot, and juggled the balls without dropping a single one. Two passing patrol officers stopped their car to watch in amazement. One turned to the other and whispered, 'Man, I'm glad I'm not on duty tonight—there's no way I could pass that breathalyzer test!'

A man was stopped by a police officer who noticed his car drifting across the lane markers. The officer walked up and asked, 'Have you had anything to drink tonight, sir?' The driver immediately shook his head and said, 'No, Officer, absolutely not! I'm actually a strict coffee drinker. In fact, I've had five double espressos in the last two hours just to stay alert.' The officer took out his breathalyzer kit, calibrated it, and handed it to the driver, saying, 'Well, blow into this tube so we can confirm that.' The driver took a deep breath, blew into the tube, and waited. The officer looked at the digital reading, raised an eyebrow, and said, 'Well, the good news is you're completely sober. The bad news is your heart rate is currently keeping time with a speed metal drum solo.'

Late one night, a police officer noticed a car swerving erratically across a deserted country road. He flashed his lights and pulled the vehicle over. The driver slowly rolled down his window, looking thoroughly confused. The officer asked, 'Sir, have you been drinking tonight?' The driver replied, 'No, Officer, I swear I haven't. But there's something wrong with my car—every time I look in the rearview mirror, someone is following me really closely!' The officer shined his flashlight into the backseat and realized the man had bought a full-length bathroom mirror earlier that day and laid it upright against the backseat, catching his own reflection. The officer laughed out loud, explained the situation, and sent the embarrassed driver on his way.