Evolutionary Psychology Jokes

An evolutionary psychologist went out to lunch with a nutritionist friend at a modern health food cafe. The nutritionist ordered a raw green smoothie and a quinoa salad bowl. The evolutionary psychologist ordered a massive double bacon cheeseburger with extra crispy fries and a large chocolate milkshake. The nutritionist looked shocked and said, 'How can a health researcher eat so much saturated fat and refined sugar?' The psychologist smiled and replied, 'My primitive Pleistocene brain is simply maximizing caloric density to prepare for the upcoming harsh winter ice age that could hit this city at any moment!'

Two evolutionary biologists were sitting at an outdoor cafe watching people walk past on a busy fashion avenue in downtown Milan. They noticed a young man driving past in a bright red, extremely loud sports car, wearing a designer watch, an expensive suit, and sunglasses at sunset. The first biologist shook his head and remarked, 'Look at that ridiculous display of wasteful luxury consumption.' The second biologist nodded approvingly and said, 'Ah, but from a purely biological perspective, that is a textbook example of handicap principle signaling. He is telling potential mates that he has so much surplus resources he can afford to burn cash on loud useless machinery.'

A real estate agent was showing a newly married couple around a modern suburban home. The husband, who held a doctorate in evolutionary psychology, stepped out onto the back patio and looked over the yard. The yard featured a wide expanse of green lawn, a few scattered shade trees, and a clear view of a small natural pond at the edge of the property. The husband turned to his wife with tears of joy in his eyes and exclaimed, 'Darling, this is it! Our ancestral hunter-gatherer subconscious has found the optimal African savanna habitat for predator detection and water resource proximity!'

A famous evolutionary biologist was sitting in a pub enjoying a pint with his academic colleagues when one of them posed a hypothetical ethical dilemma. 'Professor,' the colleague asked, 'would you risk your life by jumping into a rushing river to save a drowning stranger?' The professor took a slow sip of his ale, calculated in his head for a moment, and replied, 'No, I wouldn't jump in for a single stranger. But according to Hamilton's rule of kin selection, I would gladly jump into a raging river to save two brothers or eight first cousins!'