Sci Fi & Geek Collection 9

The Top Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars" New scene in which Chewbacca teaches Han Solo how to lick himself. The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza the Hut. Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.Jabba the Butt-head saying, "Hehe...hehe...she said, 'Lay ya.'" During one lonely night, Princess Lea finds R2D2's special attachment. Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red paint. He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely. Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Leia on the knee with a light saber. Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use the Fifth, Luke." Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting bitchin' goatees. Revealing scene in the bathroom shows how "Han Solo" got his name. New scene where Luke shakes JFK's hand and tells him he has to pee. The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell. Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene none other than John Wayne Bobbitt. Commander of the Death Star: Dr. Kevorkian Land speeders replaced with bitchin' pink Miatas Comic relief provided by Cheech Marin as Luke Skywalker's wacky Mexican caddy Darth Vader's voice goes up three octaves after Dennis Rodman kicks him in the groin Instead of "May the force be with you," Obi-Wan Kenobi says, "Show me the money!" Cameo appearance by Bob Dole as Yoda's great-great-grandfather Luke and Darth Vader work together to beat the crap out of a bunch of Trekkies New scene in which Jabba the Hut is hugged by a sobbing Richard Simmons.

Why Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt In The Star Trek Universe 10) In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on "stun." 9) The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit and a crew of twenty just to go into warp. The Millenium Falcon does the same thing with just R2-D2 and a Wookie. 8) After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After enduring Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell. 7) One word: lightsabers. 6) Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance. 5) The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not. 4) Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he encounters. 3) Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action. 2) The Federation would have to interrupt whatever it's doing just to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I. 1) Picard pilots Enterprise through asteroid belts at one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.

10. He saved Luke's life about a bizillion times 9. He's cool 8. He helped destroy 3, count em', 3 Death Stars (Read the books!) 7. He eats TIE fighters for breakfast 6. He's cool 5. He has that stylish orange flight jump suit 4. "Look at the size of that thing!" 3. He's cool 2. He can topple an AT-AT in his sleep 1. Yes you guessed it, HE'S COOL!

ARIES (March 21 - April 19) Star Wars Character : The Emperor The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his aggression and quick-tempered attitude also helps him with this. TAURUS (April 20 - May 20) Star Wars Character : Chewbacca Chewbacca is a dependable creature but he can tend to be stubborn. He likes material possessions and loves to win at games. He tends to hate being bossed around or losing and he may succumb to his physical strength when upset. GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) Star Wars Character : Ewok Ewoks are playful little creatures as are Gemini's. They tend to be extremely curious, craving knowledge but sometimes having short attention spans. For the most part they are charming and lovable beings but they can seem scattered and high-strung at times. CANCER (June 21 - July 22) Star Wars Character : Luke Skywalker Luke seemed to be somewhat whiney sometimes but he eventually developed the thick hard shell of a cancer. He is strong willed and persistent to get what he wants. He never shys away from a fight at the first sign of danger. Not to mention he began to master the element of mind manipulation. LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22) Star Wars Character : Princess Leia Leia adds a whole new meaning to high self-assurance which is evident in Leos. She is a nurturing person with great physical strength. Like many Leos she will see that her mission for good is completed and she is very optimistic about the outcome. VIRGO (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) Star Wars Character : C3P0 C3P0 shows his efficiency when working for a good cause but he tends to be a little bit fussy when it comes to doing something out of the ordinary. Like many Virgos he wants to stay out of the spotlight and he does well at picking up minute details. LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) Star Wars Character : "Obi Wan" Kenobi As always Obi Wan continues forward in his pursuit of justice and he is determined to succeed. He conveys his art of persuasion through the force. He displays his supreme intelligence and is very talented in obtaining balance between himself and his surroundings. SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Star Wars Character : Han Solo Han is a powerful character. He also tends to be possessive and lusty which would explain Han's greedy nature. He feels threatened by Leia's attempt to order him around which displays the disliking scorpios have for people who try to control them. He is often prone to suspicion and jealousy as seen in the empire strikes back. However, his resiliance and passion lead him to get what he wants. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Star Wars Character : Yoda Yoda is superbly wise and he has been known to spread this wisdom widely. He seems to be impatient and pushy when people take his teachings too lightly. As always his philosophical side always peeks through. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) Star Wars Character : R2D2 R2's ambition and inexhaustible desire to reach their goals/destination is rarely fulfilled. This causes resentment towards winners. He is a very loyal, sometimes going to great lengths to help someone out. He is a very social unit winning the hearts of many with his cute personality, however close friends are few. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Star Wars Character : Darth Vader Vader can be cruel and torment people who disagree with him but deep down there is a peace- loving, friendly side to him. He has a knack for inflicting pain on people and he uses his intellect during battle. PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Star Wars Character : Lando Lando is the typical character with his head in the clouds. He is self-sacrificing but may be too passive to stand up to Vader. He became fairly pessimistic when put under pressure. He also poses as a chameleon wanting to change his scenery on occasion.