Top Ten Lists Collection 5

Rule 10: Never forget that the person reading your mail is a person, with feelings that can be hurt. If you see the opportunity, hurt them. Rule 9: Behave online as you do in real life. This way, you can act like a total jerk under all circumstances. Rule 8: Lurk until you get a feel for what's acceptable in a particular forum or newsgroup. Then leap in and do the opposite. Rule 7: Be aware of others' time and bandwidth. Never post anything shorter than seven paragraphs. Ensure your sig is at least a screen long. Rule 6: Make yourself look good online always post your abuse in complete, grammatically correct sentences. Rule 5: Share expert knowledge. If you know how to push someone's buttons in a forum, send private email to everyone else telling them. Rule 4: Help keep flame wars under control: lead the charge. Rule 3: Respect other people's privacy...if you have some dirt about a member of a newsgroup, spread it only via private email. Rule 2: Don't abuse your power. Flame only those who disagree with you. Rule 1: Remember: You were a network newbie once, too. You deserved all the flaming you got then. The current batch deserves no less.

Reasons The 80's Were A Cooler Time To Grow Up Than The 90's 10) MTV actually played videos in the 80's. 9) There were only one kind of Nike tennis shoes (white with a red swish), and they didn't cost $125. 8) A comb in your back pocket is more practical and less painful than a ring through your nose. 7) In the 80's playing video games actually meant going out to DO something. 6) In the 80's, when you were out partying, you didn't have to worry about your Mom calling you on your cell. 5) In the 80s we didn't have to worry about getting our heads blown off at school -- unless you put a whole pack of Pop Rocks in your mouth and drank a coke. 4) Debbie Gibson vs. Britney Spears. New Kids on the Block vs. NSync. New Edition vs. Hanson. OK, that one's a draw. 3) In the early 80's there were kids in your high school who could BUY ALCOHOL LEGALLY. 2) Feathered hair was easier to care for than dreadlocks. 1) In the 80's you didn't have to worry about your pants falling down all the time.

10. When arguing Star Wars against Star Trek, you use the words 'Star Trek Sissy Boys' at least 15 times. 9. You believe President Clinton should increase its budget. (I'm sorry, wrong Star Wars!) 8. At a Star Wars collectibles convention, you purchase Gammorean Guard saliva. 7. You waste your time writing Star Wars Top Ten lists. (no comment) 6. You foolishly believe that Lucas will ACTUALLY make more Star Wars movies, when you know he's just saying that so people will buy the new Star Wars merchandise and books, then in a year he'll give his famous 'I don't feel like it' speech. 5. You would feed yourself to the rancor if it meant finding out the name of Anakin's wife. 4. You'd actually want a copy of that lousy Star Wars holiday special. 3. You stick up for Mark Hamill even when you know he's a bad actor. 2. You shell out 10 bucks for a magazine that describes the planet Tatooine. 1. You have recurring nightmares about Episodes 1-3 being about a dysfunctional family of Ewoks.

10. Playing high-stakes dodgeball with asteroids. 9. Seeing how bad things smell on the INSIDE. 8. Snowball fights. 7. Salvaging wreckage. 6. Watching your pee freeze before it hits the ground. 5. Pitching rocks into Space Slug's cave; running away when he comes out. 4. Hunting Wampas with a bowcaster. 3. Tauntaun tipping. 2. Leaving. 1. Reminding yourself, "At least this is better than Dagobah."

Top Ten Ways Michael Jackson Would Be Cooler if He Lived in the Star Wars Universe 1. Due to high loss-of-hand rate, wearing one glove is fashionably acceptable 2. Would not have needed huge effects budget for 'Captain EO' 3. In shocking revelation, he might have really been the father of Billie Jean's son 4. Could really walk on moons 5. After skin-altering disease, could become Light Lord of the Sith 6. Could ease tensions between Empire and Alliance with anti-violence message of 'Beat It' 7. Imperial breath mask could give him the deep voice he never had 8. Improved medical technology could make new nose and chin more realistic 9. Would have sure-fire hit with Sy Snootles duet 10. Would strengthen characterization of movies by making Luke look manly

1. Wanted cool voice like James Earl Jones' 2. Owed money to Jabba the Hutt, could refinance debt through the Empire 3. Wanted to use the Force to prop up Chrysler stock 4. Charmed by Emporer Palpatine's seductive after-shave 5. Misunderstood name, thought the "Dirk Side" was fan club for pretty-boy actor Dirk Benedict 6. Kicked in head by bantha 7. To impress the babes 8. To escape cruel taunting over dorky name 9. Sick and tired of mentor Obi-Wan Kenobi reciting lines from "Bridge over the River Kwai" 10. Generous Dark Lords of the Sith pension plan

1. It has a central exhaust port just below the main port. 2. It is not a fully armed and operational battle station. 3. It won't go into hyperspace unless you yell, 'Engage!' 4. It has the ability to destroy a planet, but it is still insignificant next to the power of the force. 5. It was designed by NASA. 6. Every corridor leads to a large, bottomless pit. 7. The Jawas sold it to you at a loss. 8. The 'Intel Inside' sticker is starting to peel off. 9. It has NCC-1701 painted on it. 10. One word: Outgassing!